Friday, September 16, 2011

I Am a Lady. That Does Not Mean I Am an Idiot.

Today, I had a few errands to run, and one of them included getting an oil change. I'm sitting in the Midas, and they usually take pretty good care of me there, and the technician brings me out to the car to let me know of some things he saw that needed to be fixed. One was getting my tie-rods replaced, because they are loose and starting to cause my alignment to go all out of whack. (Nope, not today. I wasn't planning on dropping $500 this morning). The other was headlight replacement. For $35. I politely declined and said that I would do it myself (For $12 and 10 minutes worth of work, because that's how much a headlight bulb costs for my car.). He looked a bit surprised at that, but I signed their little "We tried to tell you, but when your wheels go flying off into oblivion, don't say we didn't warn you!" waiver paper and went on my merry way.

Fast forward to this afternoon, at Auto Zone, picking up a new headlight. I go home, pull the old one out and instantly notice that the guy sold me the wrong one. So, I busted out my trusty car manual to see what bulb I should have gotten, went back to Auto Zone and got the correct one. And here's where the fun begins...
1. The guy at the cash register, who sold me the wrong bulb in the first place, didn't seem to believe me when I brought the correct bulb up to the cash register to exchange it. He had to look it up again and make sure I knew what the make, model and year of my car were. Sir, I've been driving this car for 6 years. I know what kind of effing car I have. Finally, he acknowledged that he must have typed in the wrong year.

2. I decided to fix it in the parking lot, so I wouldn't have to come back if something was wrong. Random Man (Rando) #1 comes out and this is the conversation that ensues:
Rando: "What you doing, fixing your light?"
Me: "Yup" (clearly not wanting to be bothered)
Rando: "Oh. You got a husband?"
Me: in my head "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now" Out loud "Nope."
Rando: "You got a man?"
Me: "Yup"
Rando: "Oh, okay"
He walks away and comes back 30 seconds later and asks, "You smoke?"
Me: "Nope"
He finally gets the hint and wanders off with the random woman he had with him.
At this point, I was beginning to grind my teeth.

3. Then, Random Man #2, who was an AutoZone employee (AZE) comes up with his little cart from where he had been helping 2 other women do something with their car.
AZE: "Anything I can do to help?"
Me: "No thanks, I've got it!"
AZE: "Did you just touch that bulb with your hand?!?"
Me: "No, I grabbed it by the base."
AZE: "You should NEVER touch the bulb with your bare hands! It will burn them out!"
Me: "I know that. Thanks, I've got this."
**(Side Note: I read instructions for EVERYTHING. Which is why I know you don't touch the bulb with your bare hands! Just because I don't have a penis, don't assume I know what the hell I'm doing here...)**
AZE: Walks off making some random inane comments about changing batteries.
There is now much gnashing of teeth under the hood of my car.

4. Random Man #3, who was actually not condescending (ANC) approaches.
ANC: "Oh, are you changing your lights?"
Me: in my head "Oh, for fuck's sake! If another knucklehead comes up to me and keeps me from finishing what should have only taken 3 minutes, I am going to kick them square in the heart!" Out loud, "Yes, I've got it, thanks."
ANC: "Okay. Well, do you want to switch on your brights to make sure that they're working properly?"
Me: Turn on the car, flick the brights.
ANC: "Looks like you're all set."
Me: "Thanks!"
I get in my car and go back home, in about 3 times as long as it should have taken.

There were 2 men in the parking lot doing things to their cars at the same time. But no one said anything to them. Yes, I have breasts and ovaries. No, I don't need a big strong man to pull a light bulb out and put a new one in. And Horror of Horrors...I actually have some clue about what goes on in a car...I've even changed my own brakes before! Sweet baby Jesus...How is that possible? A lady? Who's not an idiot and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty?!? Okay, I'm done with this now. I just needed to get that off my chest :-)

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