Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm...

Today was kind of a sleepy day. I found myself being completely zoned out and lost in my own head a few times, just from being tired. And I just took some Benadryl because I've been sneezy all night, so who knows what may come out of my mouth/fingers...

Random musings:

Dear McDonalds,

How dare you make a commercial claiming that an egg mcmuffin is a healthy breakfast option. I call bullshit. And the McRib is made of unidentified pork parts. What the hell RIB do you know that doesn't have, ya know, a RIB BONE?


How come in single stall bathrooms, the purse hook is so far away from the toilet? What if I need something out of there? What am I supposed to do, shuffle over to it? "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!"

Angry Birds, I hate you.

I work out of coffee shops a lot these days. There are 4 Caribou Coffees at various points in the city where my iPhone and laptop recognize their wireless signals.

Norah Jones, you're bringing me down.

I want to travel. Like really badly. And right now. But as that's not happening anytime soon,  I will just be happy with the small things in life, like the sweet ass glass food storage set I just got!

Columbus traffic, you are a pickletwister, with all of your freeway entrances/exits being closed downtown!

Yup, pickletwister just happened. I made that up just now.

Adult footie pajamas. I want, nay, I NEED them in my life.

It makes me laugh when my dogs chase rabbits or squirrels in the backyard. Just last night, I let Bozz out and saw a quick flash across the yard toward the deck, with Bozz in close pursuit. Then another flash of bunny tail coming from under the deck as the rabbit ran for its life toward the fence and Bozz came scrabbling over the giant rock pile after it. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that he was going to catch it, but it did give me a little chuckle.

Commercials suck. Not just because they are a giant time waster, but often, they are just terrible, contradictory and poorly made.

If you use the last of the toilet paper, it's your responsibility to put a new roll on. And pulling a roll out of the cabinet and setting it on top of the empty roll still on the holder doesn't count. Don't be lazy. What, you can use the paper, but now you're too good to touch the cardboard roll? Getouttahere...

And now it's bed time...

Monday, November 7, 2011

Om Nom Nom: Honey Dip Donuts and Diner

This past weekend, the boy and I had an unexpected weekend where we both had Saturday and Sunday off, with no plans! We may or may not have gotten the dates of a birthday party mixed up, but at least it afforded us some much needed relaxation time! In my perusal of this week's Alive magazine, I came upon an article about Honey Dip Donuts and Diner. Since we're always looking for new brunch places, I thought this would be a great option because we both love donuts and small, homey, family-run type places, and I figured this would hit the spot.

When we got there, it looked packed, but it was really a gaggle of people at the counter either waiting to pay for their meals, or to buy some donuts. We quickly found a seat, and I was pretty stoked about the menu, nothing special, just some good diner num nums. We ordered drinks, they came. We ordered food. And waited. And waited. And waited. Three groups came in after we did, ordered food, drinks and donuts, and received all those things before we got our food. Then they got their checks and left. We still waited.

I got pissed. Danny got frustrated with me because I was pissed. Our waitress came to the table a couple of times and said, "Oh, they're really backed up in the kitchen. It'll just be a couple of minutes." After about a half hour of waiting, tapping my feet, fidgeting, staring at the kitchen window and giving a few incredibly harassed sighs, I finally went up to the waitress and asked if our food was almost ready. She rolled her eyes and said again, "They're just slammed back there. Your food will be out in a minute."

I almost cut her, for several reasons. 1) By this point I am starving, which kinda makes me grumpy, and watching everyone around us eat made it even worse. 2) I've been drinking coffee, which makes my tum hurt if I don't have some food with it. 3) Nine. NINE other people came in after us and have gotten food. Clearly the kitchen wasn't that slammed that those people couldn't get their food. 4) No, you did not just roll your damn eyes at me, missy, after I had to come ask you about where my food was!

Let me tell you about the food. We both ordered sausage patties. They forgot one of the orders of sausage. (Danny scooted the plate that came to the table towards me, because he could tell I was not planning to be pleasant if I had to say another word to the waitress.) Then they brought Danny a plate of sausage links, because they ran out of patties. Then the waitress says "We ran out of potatoes, so they had to slice up some more for you." That would have been nice...if the damn things were cooked all the way through! But they were good and crunchy, like raw potatoes. My omelet was exceptionally flavorless.

The one redeeming quality of the whole breakfast experience was the guy at the table behind us having breakfast with his family (parents, little sibs, the whole shebang). With multiple penises drawn on his face in permanent marker. He clearly tried to wash them off, but it didn't work at all. When I whispered to Danny, "Look at the guy over my shoulder with the dicks on his face!" we both giggled a little.

Danny did mention that since they had just been featured in Alive, that they probably got a rush of people coming to try them out, just like we were doing, which could account for why they ran out of things. Fine. I'll give them that. But don't tell me how backed up the kitchen is, and then serve 3 tables of people who came in after us.

The donuts were pretty good. We ordered a half dozen to go, because I was not going to be spending any more time than necessary in that shitshow. Honey Dip, you are a Honey, DON'T. I shan't be returning. And it's sad because you had so much potential...

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

World War 4 or...CRAMPOCALYPSE

All right, so clearly I am having some problems with terrible things waking me up at 6 in the morning. And here's the latest bed battle...

Since dogmageddon, I have been tucking the blankets in around the bed, to try to reduce the amount of blanket loss/dog toss during the night. It's been fairly successful, except for the fact that my feet are pinned down all night long (which, as we have already established, is one of my most terrifying torture possibilities) by the blankets, and if the dogs lay next to my legs, they are even more tightly confined. I feel like a mummy, and it's starting to make me anxious even typing about it. Moving on.

So this morning, at about 5:35, I'm trying to roll over, and of course Lola is right where I want my legs to go. Because I'm still treading gently when it comes to moving the dogs off my side of the bed, I decided to try to lever her over in stages by wedging my feet under her. I get my feet under her and start to move her, and that's when it happens...CRAMPOCALYPSE!!!

I was 3/4 of the way asleep and I could feel it coming. That tightening of the muscle, the knot starting to form, the drop in my stomach from knowing the impossible agony I would soon be in. The dreaded calf cramp visited my bed this morning, and IT. WAS. EXECRABLE. (SN: I definitely had to thesaurus.com it up to find a word that matched what I was feeling. I'm not even ashamed of that.) If any of you have had a random cramp rip you from sleep, you know what I'm talking about. I did the only thing I could think of in the moment. I screamed. Or at least I tried to, but because it hurt so bad, I couldn't get much more out than sad, half grunty whimpers. Which of course, woke Danny up...15 minutes before he had to get up for work. I'm sure I would have felt like a jerk for waking him up, but I couldn't think of anything beyond the boulder that had formed on the back of my leg.

He's asking me what's wrong, all I can say is "cramp, cramp, cramp." And his solution is, "Well, stretch it out!" Yeah, well, since I'm all mummified and pinned under the blankets and dog, that is a little easier said than done. After about a minute of flailing and shoving Lola, I finally managed to free the one afflicted leg and have it sticking straight up in the air, because that's really all I could reach to stretch. I kinda wanted to throw up because it hurt so bad, but I finally got to a point where I could get it back under the blanket (very gently of course, because I could still feel that crampy sumbitch threatening to come back if I even breathed wrong), just as Danny's alarm clock started to go off.

Cramp, you may have won the battle, but I'm stocking up on bananas today!