All right, so clearly I am having some problems with terrible things waking me up at 6 in the morning. And here's the latest bed battle...
Since dogmageddon, I have been tucking the blankets in around the bed, to try to reduce the amount of blanket loss/dog toss during the night. It's been fairly successful, except for the fact that my feet are pinned down all night long (which, as we have already established, is one of my most terrifying torture possibilities) by the blankets, and if the dogs lay next to my legs, they are even more tightly confined. I feel like a mummy, and it's starting to make me anxious even typing about it. Moving on.
So this morning, at about 5:35, I'm trying to roll over, and of course Lola is right where I want my legs to go. Because I'm still treading gently when it comes to moving the dogs off my side of the bed, I decided to try to lever her over in stages by wedging my feet under her. I get my feet under her and start to move her, and that's when it happens...CRAMPOCALYPSE!!!
I was 3/4 of the way asleep and I could feel it coming. That tightening of the muscle, the knot starting to form, the drop in my stomach from knowing the impossible agony I would soon be in. The dreaded calf cramp visited my bed this morning, and IT. WAS. EXECRABLE. (SN: I definitely had to thesaurus.com it up to find a word that matched what I was feeling. I'm not even ashamed of that.) If any of you have had a random cramp rip you from sleep, you know what I'm talking about. I did the only thing I could think of in the moment. I screamed. Or at least I tried to, but because it hurt so bad, I couldn't get much more out than sad, half grunty whimpers. Which of course, woke Danny up...15 minutes before he had to get up for work. I'm sure I would have felt like a jerk for waking him up, but I couldn't think of anything beyond the boulder that had formed on the back of my leg.
He's asking me what's wrong, all I can say is "cramp, cramp, cramp." And his solution is, "Well, stretch it out!" Yeah, well, since I'm all mummified and pinned under the blankets and dog, that is a little easier said than done. After about a minute of flailing and shoving Lola, I finally managed to free the one afflicted leg and have it sticking straight up in the air, because that's really all I could reach to stretch. I kinda wanted to throw up because it hurt so bad, but I finally got to a point where I could get it back under the blanket (very gently of course, because I could still feel that crampy sumbitch threatening to come back if I even breathed wrong), just as Danny's alarm clock started to go off.
Cramp, you may have won the battle, but I'm stocking up on bananas today!