29 and Feelin' Fine!

For the next 5 minutes, it is my birthday. The first day of the last year of my 20s. Yeesh, where on earth has the time gone? At the risk of being cliche, I made a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. I think I can do most things on this list, and I'm gonna try super hard to get through the whole thing.

1.     Dance on a bar. True story, I’ve never Coyote Uglied it up. I feel like I missed out on some coming of age ritual in college.

2.     Learn to thread and use my sewing machine.

3.     Make myself pants that fit like a dream so that I don’t feel like a giant, misshapen lump when I try to go pants shopping.

4.     Go surfing.

5.     Perform on stage. I did one of the monologues in the Vagina Monologues earlier this year (the one I did was “My Angry Vagina.” Really, did you think it would be anything but that one?), and it was AWESOME and I can’t wait to perform again!

6.     Have an amazing vegetable garden.

7.     Learn how to snowboard to the point that I can do jumps and whatnot without falling and breaking myself.

8.     Buy myself a new (to me) car…I’m thinking a Mazda 3, a Mini Cooper or a Fiat. Hmm, this is an interesting small car thing I’m into. But can’t you just see me ripping around corners and driving like a bat out of hell in a little nugget of a car like these??

9.     Take a trip abroad…Australia, Sri Lanka, Japan, you know places where I know folks :-D

10. Lollapalooza

11. Warrior Dash in under 45 minutes

12. Yup, I’m gonna just suck it up and go for it…complete either a half marathon or a sprint triathlon. If I’m feeling super saucy, maybe even both!

13. Dye my hair. Nothing too cray-cray (a girl’s still gotta work ya know!), but maybe some red streaks?

14. Get another tattoo. I’m thinking a dragon to match my phoenix.

15. Learn at least one graphic design program.

16. Throw awesome themed dinner parties.

17. Start playing the cello again.

18. Take ballet classes.

19. Get married. 11 years is quite a long courtship, and I love the beau <3.

20. Climb a mountain. It doesn’t have to be anything extraordinary or require mountain climbing equipment, but it does have to be at least a challenging hike!

21. Create a strong group of friends that actually gets together on a regular basis.

22. Be in one of the Columbus magazines, CBus, Columbus Style, Capital Style, you know, any of those publications that start with C…

23. Go on a rustic camping trip. Pitching tents, building fires, pooping in holes, bathing in streams, the whole shebang!

24. Create something that I can sell. I think I’m a pretty creative person, I just need to find what I’m passionate about making J.

25. Build a second bathroom and/or update the first bathroom.

26. Stop biting my damn nails!

27. Read the Bible, Koran and Torah. No, I am not religious. But I do want to be well informed about what makes people feel justified to do such crazy ass things in the name of religion.

28. Create several really good dessert recipes.

29. Referring to #6: Can things and make pickled veggies.

30. Earn a sweet ass nickname. People call me random things, but it would be AWESOME to have a universally known nickname. Or a theme song. I’d be okay with a theme song…

Mmmmmm, Monday...

Holy moly friends, it's been way too long! And even though it's technically Tuesday, I haven't been to bed yet, so it doesn't count. (I used that line a few times as an RA, since we were supposed to sleep in our rooms every night. But if you're out with friends and happen to party and go on Waffle House and Wal-Mart runs until 6 a.m., or go on an impromptu road trip to NOLA for Mardi Gras for one day/night, and you don't sleep, it doesn't count...Am I right?!?) Anyhoo, here's what's been delish in my life lately...

Cooking/Catering

This past week has been silly, but in a good way! I've really been enjoying the new job, and I'm realizing how much I have missed working in a kitchen. And it is waaaaaaay different working in a commercial kitchen with all women as opposed to by myself or with mostly men. The music is different, we all pretty much sing along, no dick and fart jokes. Just a nice, chill environment. And it's interesting to see what kind of people hire catering companies for events. I'm rubbing elbows with the Columbus high society...better make sure I have lotion on...

Dinner with the Boy

So, I came home from work today with a hard-core craving for some homemade chocolate chip cookies. But instead of baking, Danny and I went out to the garden, picked some tomatoes, peppers, carrots, green onions and herbs and we made pasta for dinner. I love it when we cook together :-D

Spreadsheets

Well, this one is a love/hate relationship. I actually hate spreadsheets because they can be so effing picky and tedious to create. But there is an immense sense of satisfaction when you get one right, and all the formulae work, and you just know that it is going to make your work day so much easier.

Bossypants

I finally got it from the library, after being some ridiculous number like 189 on the waiting list. Tina Fey just makes life better. If you haven't read this book yet, you probably should. Word of warning: You might not want to take any large gulps of beverage while reading, because there's a pretty good chance you'll snort it out your nose from laughter. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Childhood Books

My youngest sister and I share a birthday, and it's coming up in a few days, so to celebrate her turning 10, I got her a few books that I loved when I was a kid: The Magician's Nephew (I think I'm going to get her a new book in the Chronicles of Narnia for birthdays and Christmases until she has them all); The Westing Game (This little mystery by Ellen Raskin still makes me smile to this day); and A Light in the Attic (Shel Silverstein...need I say more?). I was also really tempted to buy the whole Little House on the Prairie series. And you're damn right it would have been for myself. I'm not even ashamed of that.

Fall-y Things 

(I've mentioned this before, but I love fall. There will be more fall related things in the coming weeks.)

Lovely weather, sweaters, pumpkin ANYTHING (especially beer and cookies), Homecoming (I love the feeling of excitement and school pride. Doesn't even matter what school.), new shows on TV, haunted houses, apple picking, the death of mosquitoes, browns and oranges and reds and all those luscious, yummy fall colors, making chili (Fry friend, you want a rematch??), and I'm so STOKED this year that we will have the fence finished and can finally bring out our fire pit (That I bought in June and it still happens to be in the box. And I hit that box with my car door every freaking day. I can't wait to get that damn thing out of our garage and into our backyard!)

Well friends, it's late, and I've got to get to the post office early to mail some birthday books! Have a loverly autumn day!

I Am a Lady. That Does Not Mean I Am an Idiot.

Today, I had a few errands to run, and one of them included getting an oil change. I'm sitting in the Midas, and they usually take pretty good care of me there, and the technician brings me out to the car to let me know of some things he saw that needed to be fixed. One was getting my tie-rods replaced, because they are loose and starting to cause my alignment to go all out of whack. (Nope, not today. I wasn't planning on dropping $500 this morning). The other was headlight replacement. For $35. I politely declined and said that I would do it myself (For $12 and 10 minutes worth of work, because that's how much a headlight bulb costs for my car.). He looked a bit surprised at that, but I signed their little "We tried to tell you, but when your wheels go flying off into oblivion, don't say we didn't warn you!" waiver paper and went on my merry way.

Fast forward to this afternoon, at Auto Zone, picking up a new headlight. I go home, pull the old one out and instantly notice that the guy sold me the wrong one. So, I busted out my trusty car manual to see what bulb I should have gotten, went back to Auto Zone and got the correct one. And here's where the fun begins...
1. The guy at the cash register, who sold me the wrong bulb in the first place, didn't seem to believe me when I brought the correct bulb up to the cash register to exchange it. He had to look it up again and make sure I knew what the make, model and year of my car were. Sir, I've been driving this car for 6 years. I know what kind of effing car I have. Finally, he acknowledged that he must have typed in the wrong year.

2. I decided to fix it in the parking lot, so I wouldn't have to come back if something was wrong. Random Man (Rando) #1 comes out and this is the conversation that ensues:
Rando: "What you doing, fixing your light?"
Me: "Yup" (clearly not wanting to be bothered)
Rando: "Oh. You got a husband?"
Me: in my head "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now" Out loud "Nope."
Rando: "You got a man?"
Me: "Yup"
Rando: "Oh, okay"
He walks away and comes back 30 seconds later and asks, "You smoke?"
Me: "Nope"
He finally gets the hint and wanders off with the random woman he had with him.
At this point, I was beginning to grind my teeth.

3. Then, Random Man #2, who was an AutoZone employee (AZE) comes up with his little cart from where he had been helping 2 other women do something with their car.
AZE: "Anything I can do to help?"
Me: "No thanks, I've got it!"
AZE: "Did you just touch that bulb with your hand?!?"
Me: "No, I grabbed it by the base."
AZE: "You should NEVER touch the bulb with your bare hands! It will burn them out!"
Me: "I know that. Thanks, I've got this."
**(Side Note: I read instructions for EVERYTHING. Which is why I know you don't touch the bulb with your bare hands! Just because I don't have a penis, don't assume I know what the hell I'm doing here...)**
AZE: Walks off making some random inane comments about changing batteries.
There is now much gnashing of teeth under the hood of my car.

4. Random Man #3, who was actually not condescending (ANC) approaches.
ANC: "Oh, are you changing your lights?"
Me: in my head "Oh, for fuck's sake! If another knucklehead comes up to me and keeps me from finishing what should have only taken 3 minutes, I am going to kick them square in the heart!" Out loud, "Yes, I've got it, thanks."
ANC: "Okay. Well, do you want to switch on your brights to make sure that they're working properly?"
Me: Turn on the car, flick the brights.
ANC: "Looks like you're all set."
Me: "Thanks!"
I get in my car and go back home, in about 3 times as long as it should have taken.


There were 2 men in the parking lot doing things to their cars at the same time. But no one said anything to them. Yes, I have breasts and ovaries. No, I don't need a big strong man to pull a light bulb out and put a new one in. And Horror of Horrors...I actually have some clue about what goes on in a car...I've even changed my own brakes before! Sweet baby Jesus...How is that possible? A lady? Who's not an idiot and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty?!? Okay, I'm done with this now. I just needed to get that off my chest :-)

Mmmmmm, Monday...

Yup, I sure did just write another post a minute ago. And I'm not even ashamed to be writing another one!

So, it's Monday again...Here's what I'm digging on this week...

Getting a New Dang Job!

I'm going to be doing sales for a small catering company! I'm super stoked about it, because I have never done sales in this capacity before, and I get the opportunity to go out and make new connections with people, and work with people I already know in different organizations! And this company has been getting their name out there for a few years and they are at a point that they are able to really begin expanding, and I'm really excited to be a part of that with them! The owners are also very passionate about what they do and exceptionally creative, and I LOVE working in that kind of environment!

Talking to Old Friends From College

I talked to my friend Cynthia recently and we just got a chance to shoot the shit and catch up. And I will be meeting up with one of my friends who is moving from Colorado to D.C. and will be coming through town tonight. It's always great to see how people are doing and actually talk to them, rather than just getting Facebook updates.

America's Got Talent

Okay, so I NEVER watch reality shows, so I completely blame the boy for getting me hooked on this business. I guess it's even though, since I got him onto Pretty Little Liars... I have my favorites, and we always make predictions about who's going on to the next round. The only issue I have with it is that they talk to damn much! I don't care about your back story. I just want to watch you dance around and light up, and do magic, and sing songs, and jump motor bikes over your grandma, you know, the youjz (there absolutely needs to be a new letter in the English alphabet so that I can abbreviate "usual" in writing...L. Taylor, you know what I'm talkin about!).

Fresh Baked Banana Bread...With NUTELLA!

I love banana bread. I love Nutella. How I have never made the connection between the two, I have no idea. But now, there's no turning back...

What tickles your pickle this week?

A Fence, A Fence! My Kingdom for a Fence!

Today, we completed day 2 of fence construction. Well, technically day 3 if you count the day we spent last weekend digging holes with a post hole digger. (I may or may not have fallen into one of those holes while we were cleaning up, but that's neither here nor there...) It's funny, because even though it doesn't seem like a lot has been done, this business takes a LOOOOOOOONG TIME! The majority of time has been spent getting materials, one Jeep-load at a time. We make a list, hoof it over to Menard's and spent an hour or two finding everything we need, pulling the Jeep around back and loading it up. Then we spend another hour driving home (usually with me curled up in a little ball in the passenger seat, holding boards poking over my head and cowering in fear that if we take a turn too sharply, I may just end up with my head smooshed against the window) and unloading everything.

At this point, we've got enough materials to finish about half the fence, so we should get a ton done on Sunday. The sucky (not really) part is that now I have a NEW JOB (Huzzah!!), I won't be home all day on Mondays for us to have 2 full days to get things done. I'll take that trade-off :-D. I laugh whenever we are outside working because the dogs always look at us like they are ready to jump through the door. I think they know we're getting ready to let them loose in the backyard and they just can't wait!

And This Is Why I'm Not a Parent...

Or you can also call this post "If You Shit on the Floor, You Better Be Able to Clean It!" This is one of the less pleasant adventures in domesticating...

Okay, so if you know me, you most likely know my position on having kids. I don't want to. I like hanging out with my friends'/family's kids, but they're definitely not coming home with me! Having 2 dogs is plenty of responsibility for another living being. Speaking of said dogs...One of them has gotten into a really bad habit the past week. If Danny's at work, and I take a shower, Bozz thinks it's a fabulous idea to shit on the floor. Now, I have the sense of smell of a bloodhound, so as soon as it happens, I know within seconds. And it's not like I'm gonna jump out of the shower, covered in lavender-scented suds so that I can hunt down the stank pile that I KNOW has appeared somewhere in the house, all "Where's Waldo?" style. Which means that the rest of my shower sucks because all I can smell is poop, and because I know I have to go clean it up. Grrrrrr.
Lesson number 1 of the day: I don't want to clean up any of the varied solids or liquids that can come out another being.

I also really like to sleep. I get cranky if I don't get enough sleep, I wake up easily, I want my body to be fully covered by the blankets and I will lose my shit if at any point in the sleeping process, I can't move my arms or legs. Now imagine a queen sized bed with 2 adult humans...and 2 full grown, 70 pound each dogs...who like to stretch out...and who want to be all up on you...and will flump their giant bodies down wherever suits their fancy, never mind if that happens to be on your knees or ankles or stomach. I am also fully convinced that they steal the blankets, because I get into an epic tug of war/pushing match with the dogs every stinkin night to try and get enough blankets/have more than an 18 inch wide sliver of bed.
Lesson number 2:  If your name isn't Amber or Danny, I don't want you in my bed.

And finally, I like well-behaved critters. I'm the "mean" parent, and I'm okay with that. You can play, but not all gladiator, growly wrestler style. Just because something is made of cloth, does not instantly make it your toy. You don't have to bark every time someone walks by the house. If I'm sitting on the couch, I don't want you to lay on top of me (As Bozz just came and nudged my computer out of the way so he could try to wedge half his body on my lap as I was typing that sentence...).
Lesson number 3:  Mama likes her peace and quiet and personal space.

Now, with that being said, I love the pups, and it's heartwarming when they snuggle up NEXT TO me, especially if I'm not feeling well. It's adorable when we go for a walk and Lola comes up and sticks her nose in my hand every few minutes, just so that I know she's still there. My heart melts a little each time they look at me with the "Mama, we love you, thanks for feeding/scratching/playing with us!" look in their puppy dog eyes. So, I'm all the parent I need to be with Bozz and Lola, but I'll tell you one thing...Bozz has earned himself a trip to his crate when I shower, because I damn sure won't be cleaning up any more shit off the floor!

GOOD 30 Day Challenge: Day 3

Share An Old Photo With A Friend - So, I was poking around my old room at my parents' house a few weeks ago, and I came across this photo I took with one of my besties from college. I have no idea where we were, or why we took this picture, but it's pretty awesome. Since it's a big 8-1/2 by 11 photo, I took a picture of it and sent it to her on facebook. I'm excited to see what she has to say about it! To be honest, the first thing I thought when I saw this was, "Wow, look at how skinny I was back then!" Ah, to be a teenager again...

I could totally be an ass-kicking, card-sharking, bar-wenchy Wild Gal!

GOOD 30 Day Challenge: Days 1 and 2

I ran across this challenge from a friend on facebook, called the "GOOD 30 Day Challenge." Each month GOOD (an organization focused on creating a community for people and businesses who want to live well and do good. Their tag line is "For People Who Give A Damn." I mean, how awesome is that?!?) has a 30 day challenge, and September's task is to create connections with people. Since it is September 2, I have already missed day one, but I'll backtrack to that one. Here's a link to the GOOD 30 Day Challenge, if you want to learn more about it.

Here we go so far:

Day 1: Send someone a postcard - I'll get back to that one, as soon as I get some postcards! (If you want one, I will send a postcard to the first 4 addresses I get. Even if we don't know each other. It's nice to get real mail in this age of digital communication and junk mail.)

Day 2: Have a conversation with a service employee - I try to be friendly to everyone I come in contact with, especially if they are doing something for me. I found this fun little coffee shop in the course of some of my random wanderings on the internets, so I decided to go check it out. When I went in, I chatted with the man behind the counter about how I found the coffee shop and then we had a nice conversation about the different types of coffee he has, which led to teas that we both like, and then he walked me through how he brews each cup of coffee to order, which was pretty cool!

(**Side note: I have the attention span of a pickle, so whenever I set out to find something specific online, I inevitably have to drag myself away from something so far off topic that I can't even figure out how I got there. It's like those Family Circus comics where Little Billy has to go someplace close by and ends up taking the most ridiculous route to get there, as documented by a thick black dotted line swirling all around the panel. I was looking at the Experience Columbus website to see if they had any jobs available, they had a blog, 7 entries in, the blog mentioned this coffee shop. And here we are. Sitting in said coffee shop. Writing about it. Weird how that works out, huh?**)