Teach a Kid to Shop, He'll Spend Money for a Day. Teach a Kid to Sew, She'll be a Badass for Life!

Friends, I have a thing to say...
TEACH THE YOUNG PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE HOW TO SEW! If you don't know how, find a friend or family member who'd be willing to teach them. Check out local rec center classes. Sign up at a fabric or craft shop. Get some books from the library and youtube that shit.

I think this is so important for all young people, especially girls. And let me tell you why. If you know me, you know I am not about that gender norms shit. "Oh sewing is only for girls. It's a female activity." 1. Miss me with that "female" bullshit. 2. Until I see men and boys running around buck ass nekkid with a full lion pelt tied around their bodies, sitting on rocks, sleeping on a bare bale of hay, you're not off the hook. You utilize sewn goods every day too and there's no reason you shouldn't be able to make what you use.

Here's the biggest reason I think sewing is mega important for girls...the fashion industry is not for us. Back in the 1950s, the hourglass shape and related proportions/measurements was the sizing standard and only 8% of women fell into that category. I'm not sure how something that doesn't accommodate 92% of the population it's supposed to serve is a standard, but hey, that's just me. Even now, there is no standard sizing guide (which you know, if you've ever been into a store and put clothes on your body). I have not met one man or boy who hasn't been able to run into a store and pick up a specific size pair of pants, NOT try them on and be good with their selection. Or worse yet, ask YOU to get them a pair of pants, armed with only a waist and inseam measurement and whatever you chose was fine (My husband asked me to do this, which caused me anxiety, swiftly followed by rage.)

Industry sizing "standards" aside, maybe the girls in your life want something different than what's out there. What the big head fashion people think everyone should want. If you want a princess dress with robots on it, more power to you sister! If you want the comfort of yoga pants, but not for the world to see your entire ass through cheap fabric, god bless you! Getting started can be pricey, and there's a lot to learn, but it is SO rewarding! There are definitely plenty of items that I will still buy (the money and effort that goes into making a tshirt that I could easily buy for $8 from Old Navy is not even worth it). But making a dress or pants that look amazing and fit like nothing off the rack is BADASS.

What's in Your Kitchen?

A few days ago, a friend of mine said that she and her husband were planning to go vegetarian for a week and that she was prepping meals. One of the items she made was black bean burgers. That sounded delicious and the hubs was at work on Sunday, so that was a perfect time to get all up in some veggie foodstuffs making, right?

I found this recipe for Sweet Potato Black Bean Burgers from the Minimalist Baker and it looked GLORIOUS! So I said, "Well duh, I'm totally making this!" But I didn't have black beans. Or nut meal. Or green onions. That's fine. I'll just improvise with what's in my cupboard (because, you know, I'm funemployed. Gotta use what I have!)

In my mind, black beans= chickpeas and kidney beans. Nut meal=coconut flour (from an ill-fated and totally unnecessary attempt at gluten free-ness). Green onions=yellow diced onions.

Cool. Let's do this.

Bake the sweet potatoes and cook the rice. Baked the sweet potatoes. Didn't see the last part of that instruction...
 
Okay, so the recipe says to lightly hand mash the potatoes and half the beans. I'll do them in the food processor. It'll be faster.

Next, add the rest of the beans whole in the recipe. Well, I guess I should break those up a little bit, because those kidney beans are ginormous!

All right, all right, all right! Add the nut meal and adjust as needed to make sure the mixture isn't too moist. Huh. This kinda has the consistency of pumpkin pie filling. And adding more coconut flour is DEFINITELY not unmoistening it... That's okay. When I add the rice, it'll firm right on up.

Oh. I was supposed to cook the rice while roasting the sweet potatoes. Well shit. Definitely didn't do that. Guess everything is on hold until the rice finishes cooking. And of course it's brown rice (healthy and shit) so it takes FOREVER.

Make the patties! Measure them out with a 1/4 cup measure. 1/4 cup definitely isn't enough. I'm HONGRY, so I'm making 1 cup burgers! Oh Jesus, the 1 cup is too much! TOO MUCH! Finish with 1/2 cup. Still big but not unmanageable.

Mega 1 cup burgers

Cooking time! Bake at 375 for 30-45 minutes. That's going to take far too long and I'm starving. So here's what I'll do...I'll bake one and fry one, just to see how they turn out each way.

Baked=Mad Max Fury Road Dry

Fried=Disaster Zone

Final result: Frying was a terrible shitshow. The whole thing totally fell apart, but tasted really good. Baking took almost an hour, held its shape much better but looked a little scorched earthy. Also, not having the fat in it took a little something away from the flavor.


 

I probably had enough mix (dough? batter? filling?) to make 14 patties but because I made a few big ass monster patties, I ended up with 10. Cooked 2 that first day and froze the rest. I did end up making a couple for dinner 2 nights ago and I figured that because they were frozen, they wouldn't fall apart as badly if I fried them (because of course again I was STARVING and didn't want to wait to bake them). They actually held shape pretty well, but soaked up SO MUCH oil they were almost inedible. Don't worry, I powered through.

Verdict: I'd make them again, but actually follow the recipe a little more closely. Until then, I have to figure out what to do with my remaining 6 sweet potato pucks...Maybe I'll bake them for a shorter period so they're softer and use as the protein on a salad?

35 by 35

Well, it's been quite a while, huh? A lot has changed over the past couple years, but no need to get into all that. Let's look forward...

Soooo, I just turned 34! I am now solidly in my mid 30s and this is kinda stressing me out. As I look toward the big 3-5, I have some things I want to do with my life. By the time I turn 35, I want to be stronger, feel better and live more. Over the past few years, I feel like I've lost myself a bit. I'm more nervous, not as adventurous, less extroverted, not as connected with the people who mean the most to me and I want to get out of that. This is the year for me to get stronger, feel better, live more and get back to me. Old Amber is pretty rad, and this shell of myself that I feel like is not the business.

So, without any further ado, here's my 35 by 35. All sorts of things that I want to accomplish over the next 360 days. And friends, I'm definitely going to need some help to get through them all! Some are out of my comfort zone, some I have no idea how to do, and others are specifically built to do with people.

Let's do this!

1. Shouldermount (This has been my nemesis move for all my poledancing life. It will happen this year)
2. Deadlift handstand (Another nemesis)
3. Milk a cow
4. Make booze (We tried to make hard cider a couple years ago. Epic fail but we've got some ideas to make it better this time around.)
5. Perform in front of at least 50 people (A play? Pole dance? Pechakucha? SO MANY OPTIONS!)
6. Write something that gets published (I think this is the year of He Said/She Said...)
7. Make clothes to sell
8. Design and sew a sweet ass party dress for my 35th birthday (This means I'm going to have to throw a sweet ass 35th birthday party. Get ready)
9. Hot air balloon ride
10. Plan an event for at least 5000 people
11. Complete a triathlon
12. Complete a half marathon (I started training for this yesterday AND ran a full mile without stopping. What??!!)
13. Visit another country
14. Be in a play (If at least 50 people attend, that's 2 birds with one stone!)
15. Drop social media for a month 
16. Get back to writing...blog once a week
17. Girls' weekend road trip
18. Make cheese
19. Visit 5 national parks
20. Go rustic camping
21. Go glamping
22. SPLITS! Right, left and box
23. Learn a new skill...blacksmithing, maybe? (Columbus Idea Foundry, here I come!)
24. Tough Mudder
25. Go on a cruise (I'm terrified of cruises. The idea of being stuck on a boat that may have mechanical failures, or norovirus outbreaks, or sink in the ocean gives me anxiety. But I could maybe manage a river cruise...)
26. Give back to the community and join a board
27. Put together a business plan for my own event space!
28. Waters Family Vacay!
29. Get my CMP
30. Take a fangirl picture with a celebrity
31. Go to a fancy schmancy gala
32. Attend a professional sports game
33. Present at PechaKucha
34. Do at least 1 random act of kindness a month
35. Hold crow pose for at least 15 seconds (This one has been my yoga nemesis for years! I can kind of almost get it occasionally, but I'm so scared I'm going to break my face open!)

So there you have it. It's ambitious, but why not live that life??

Happy Monday, lovebugs!

A Year in the Life of an Old Married Couple

The husband and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. We took an awesome trip to Kentucky to do the Bourbon Trail and it was AMAZING! To start the anniversary shenans, he got several of our friends and family to help him put together an anniversary video (which, of course, made me cry).

So we had this whole trip planned out and I wanted to surprise him with a little something extra, so I got us tickets to go to the Newport Aquarium to do a penguin experience. Yay! Tuxedo birds!

Only to find out that he had a surprise planned for me at almost the same time. He got us tickets to go on an Indy Car ride along at the Kentucky Motor Speedway. Yay! Fast cars!

So after all that craziness went down, we made it to Lexington and drank lots of bourbon. And then we made it to Louisville and drank more bourbon. We also bet on some ponies and did some underground ziplining. Which was amazeballs.

Through all of our anniversary activities, it seemed quite apropos that we came full circle in the best way possible. He proposed to me ziplining in a tree and we celebrated our first year of wedded bliss ziplining underground. It doesn't get much better than that. Happy anniversary, boo face and I can't wait for many more years of getting into all sorts of weird, ridiculous shit!

Hashtag CurlyGirlProblems...

So, I have a little anecdotey-dote for ya! But you need to know a few things first:

Fact 1) I have to be up and on the road to Cleveland for work by 5:15 tomorrow. As in "a.m." That's a real life time.
Fact 2) I really enjoy sleep. Like to the point that I get real cranky real fast if I don't get enough. Realistically, I'm a 7-8 hours per night kinda gal and my hubs makes fun of me because I have to plan my sleep schedule. Trust me, it's just better for everyone involved if I get enough sleep.
Fact 3) My hair. It is a fact of life.

And here we go. As I have to be up and a productive member of society before the sun has even rolled out of bed, I decided, like any mature, responsible adult would, to take a shower and try to wrangle my hair tonight. Because lord only knows what will happen if I try to make anything happen with it while I'm 3/4 of the way asleep, and truly, it's just too much hair to fuck with at that time of the day (night? Whatever, I'm asleep).

This is what my hair would do. Jesus, this is terrifying on so many levels...

Mid-conditioner and the unthinkable happens...

Rest in heaven, Little Brush.

True life representation of my shower experience.

So now, I'm stuck raptor clawing a busted ass hairbrush, it's taken me twice as long to finish my shower, because NO MATTER WHAT I cannot leave my hair only half brushed and of course, the water has now gone cold. But in the end, 2 socks, 2 ponytail holders, 2.5 brushes, leave in conditioner and hair gel later, I got this sweet ass bun cracking and I don't have to mess with it in the morning. Hair - 0, Amber - 1. WINNER.

There's an entire pair of (mismatched) socks in there!

The Beauty of Being Cold

I went for a drive yesterday. I had a doctor's appointment that let out with over 3 hours until my dance class. So I decided to drive the surface streets from BFE 'burbs across town. During rush hour. (Hello, my name is Queen of Road Rage. Nice to meet you...) And I was okay with it because I didn't have anywhere to BE. I could just drive and take my time and not be frustrated by the jackwagons driving like, well, jackwagons. And as I was driving, I passed several metroparks and I was struck with the overwhelming urge to walk. So the next park that I passed, I pulled in. I drove around for a bit before I found the spot where I wanted to walk. What I really wanted was to get deep into the woods and the quiet and the nature and the solitude. Buuuuuuut, being in the 'burbs of the 'bus, my options were limited. So I found a cute little bridge and decided that would be my starting point. I put on my crazy cat lady hat, buttoned up my coat and I was off.

It was just...right. The crunch of the snow under my boots. The rustle of the wind through the trees. The nip of cold air along my cheeks. I walked for about a mile, just as the sun was thinking about setting, and in the middle of my walk, I came to a river. I stood there for a few minutes savoring the gurgle of the water and watching the geese play. Then I kept walking. Not fast. Not to GO anywhere. Not for my health (Sidebar: I crossed paths with a guy a few times running and he looked MISERABLE. It's cold out playa. Way too cold for all that running business. But Yak Trax Jackson was working on his fitness, so I can't be mad. That is ded-i-ca-tion!). Wait, I take that back. It was for my health. My mental health.

My cute little bridge. Yak Trax Jackson was hanging out in the trees across the way.

The overwhelming urge to get out in nature was (I think), my mind telling me to slow down and stop worrying about everyone else's shit. Just take some time to be quiet. I also think my body needed to reset itself. You know I'm the Cold Averse Queen. I get home, the pants come off and I basically swan dive into the cozy heated blanket on the couch. But yesterday, I got to be cold. And it was what I needed.

I realized that if I'm in the nature, I'm not going to freeze to death. My body got to make itself warm instead of relying on external electric temperature regulators. So being cold and quiet and alone gave me some mental clarity. When I got back in the car, I didn't turn the heat on. I turned the radio off and just drove. The radio was too much aural stimulation. The heat would have kept me from fully experiencing the tingling in my skin as I came in from the cold. And as I drove back into the city, I was totally relaxed and my mind was quiet. I was almost completely silent (a few fuck words may have eked out. Jackwagons, I tell ya!).

Eventually I turned the heat on to its lowest setting, turned the radio on to a quiet volume and just gently let my normal car ride come back. But I don't think I want that to be my norm. Perhaps I just need to be cold to get to my quiet.

31, Let's Have Some Fun!

Hi friends! It's been about a month since I last wrote, but what a month it's been! There have been tons of things going on, like ya know, getting married, going on a honeymoon, quitting my job and getting a new one. And I'll be 31 in 3 days! So even though I have lots of things to say, I'll get to those later. But right now, I want to see just how on track I am with my life, according to newly birthdayed 29 year old me. Now, this list was technically full of things that I wanted to do before I turned 30. Technically. However, since last year was a pretty shitty birthday month, I'm giving myself a mulligan and seeing how much I accomplished, since I still am 30. Based on the answers in red, I've done some things and not done some things. But in the end, life was lived and the past 2 years have had a little bit of the good, the bad and the ugly, and 31 will be a new and better year of life :-)

1.     Dance on a bar. True story, I’ve never Coyote Uglied it up. I feel like I missed out on some coming of age ritual in college. Son of a bitch! Still haven't done it!

2.     Learn to thread and use my sewing machine. Failblog.com

3.     Make myself pants that fit like a dream so that I don’t feel like a giant, misshapen lump when I try to go pants shopping. See above

4.     Go surfing. No surfing. But I did go snorkeling. Both start with "S" and happen in the water. I'll count it!

5.     Perform on stage. I did one of the monologues in the Vagina Monologues earlier this year (the one I did was “My Angry Vagina.” Really, did you think it would be anything but that one?), and it was AWESOME and I can’t wait to perform again! Yup. Date 2 Remember and dance recital.

6.     Have an amazing vegetable garden. Last summer's garden wasn't the worst. This summer's garden definitely was. There's always next year?

7.     Learn how to snowboard to the point that I can do jumps and whatnot without falling and breaking myself. Didn't go snowboarding once this year. Went once last year and someone stole my damn board. I think snowboarding just isn't my thing...

8.     Buy myself a new (to me) car…I’m thinking a Mazda 3, a Mini Cooper or a Fiat. Hmm, this is an interesting small car thing I’m into. But can’t you just see me ripping around corners and driving like a bat out of hell in a little nugget of a car like these?? This is postponed. The job sitch wasn't the best in the past 2 years.

9.     Take a trip abroad…Australia, Sri Lanka, Japan, you know places where I know folks :-D St. John is kind of abroad...I mean, I did have to go through customs to get on the plane. It counts.

10. Lollapalooza Nope.

11. Warrior Dash in under 45 minutes Didn't do Warrior Dash again. But I did do the Colorpalooza in under 45 minutes. Wait a minute! Since it has "palooza" in it, can I use that to partially count for Lolla? No? Okay.

12. Yup, I’m gonna just suck it up and go for it…complete either a half marathon or a sprint triathlon. If I’m feeling super saucy, maybe even both! Negatory, Ghost Rider. But I'm still on board for a triathlon. I have been swimming a lot recently and I even got goggles and a swim cap, and a new bike. And I've taken up running again. I'm getting there before 32.

13. Dye my hair. Nothing too cray-cray (a girl’s still gotta work ya know!), but maybe some red streaks? Done. All my reds and golds and browns have done wonders :-)

14. Get another tattoo. I’m thinking a dragon to match my phoenix. Well, this has been the most successful one. I did, in fact, get a dragon tattoo. And a signature. And a song lyric. And a poem. Mama has only love for the ink! I think my next one will be a partial sleeve...

15. Learn at least one graphic design program. Yup. As evidenced by our glorious wedding invitations!

16. Throw awesome themed dinner parties. They aren't always themed, but the awesome does come into play. I think the next Sunday Dinner will be a potluck and we'll actually get to the firepit this time!

17. Start playing the cello again. I got it fixed. And I have played several of the songs that I have music for. But I don't do it regularly. I will though!

18. Take ballet classes. I'll do you one better. Pole dance classes. And I have another recital coming up in about 6 weeks. Giggity giggity!

19. Get married. 11 years is quite a long courtship, and I love the beau <3. Oh, that happened. And it was GLORIOUS!

20. Climb a mountain. It doesn’t have to be anything extraordinary or require mountain climbing equipment, but it does have to be at least a challenging hike! Yeah honeymoon, killing like 8 birds with one stone!

21. Create a strong group of friends that actually gets together on a regular basis. This is an interesting one. I think with the creation of Sunday Dinners, we've had a rotating group of friends get together. But throughout the course of wedding planning, I've had the pleasure of reconnecting with some of my best ladyloves, and it has been so refreshing to have that group in my life on a regular basis again!

22. Be in one of the Columbus magazines, CBus, Columbus Style, Capital Style, you know, any of those publications that start with C… Sure thing. At this point it's just been pictures in Columbus Alive a few times, but I'm still holding out for getting in one of the wedding mags :-)

23. Go on a rustic camping trip. Pitching tents, building fires, pooping in holes, bathing in streams, the whole shebang! No camping trip yet. But we did get a tent for a wedding present, so I think we'll get there this year!

24. Create something that I can sell. I think I’m a pretty creative person, I just need to find what I’m passionate about making. This hasn't happened yet, but I've been thinking more and more about starting my own business, and I think it's going to happen sooner rather than later!

25. Build a second bathroom and/or update the first bathroom. Uh uh. But it's in the plans for the end of the year, with some of our wedding money. And honey, we need it!

26. Stop biting my damn nails! Still a chronic nail biter. But I did start getting more regular gel manicures, so it helps A LOT!

27. Read the Bible, Koran and Torah. No, I am not religious. But I do want to be well informed about what makes people feel justified to do such crazy ass things in the name of religion. Not even a little bit.

28. Create several really good dessert recipes. I think I did that last summer. I cooked all of just about nothing this year. Sad face.

29. Referring to #6: Can things and make pickled veggies. Refer to #6.

30. Earn a sweet ass nickname. People call me random things, but it would be AWESOME to have a universally known nickname. Or a theme song. I’d be okay with a theme song… I don't think I have a nickname. Unless there's one floating around that I don't know about. If I do, please tell me. Even if it's bad!

 

Bittersweet Symphony

Today has some bittersweet things going on. It marks an anniversary and a final countdown (which I totally just sang in my head. If you've got it stuck in yours now, you're welcome.)

The bitter: This morning I woke up weepy. Like opened my eyes and there were tears. And I'm like "What the hell right now?!?" But my body is like a fricking alarm clock of emotion. I go to bed fine and when I wake up, boom, there it is. I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks because I have a lot going on in my life right now. When I go to sleep, I have details running through my mind. **You know how when you go running or biking, those weird ass clouds of gnats that are just all of a sudden in your face and you can't avoid them because they're just there, flying around in a jumbled mess and they get all in your nose and eyes? The gnats are so teense individually that you can't even see them, but when they get together, and in your face, you get all flaily armed, like a cat playing with a laser beam.** I wake up at 4 a.m. with details flitting around like those damned gnats (But also to pee. Because that's what happens when you pound a glass of water right before you go to sleep. I should really rethink that aspect of my nightly routine...)

But anyway. I'm clearly stalling for time here because I know the closer I get to the subject at hand, the more likely I am to get weepy all over again. But if you know me, you know I'm a crier. We've all accepted it and we're moving on. This morning I woke up weepy. Like opened my eyes and there were tears. I told myself yesterday that today would just be another day in the life. Today is Gary's one year deathiversary. I wrote about it, but I'm not going to do it again. Where I was then is a very different place than where I am now and the way I figure it, I've been managing for the past year. Why wouldn't today be just another day? Rationally, that's where I am, but my heart clearly did not get that memo, hence the weepy wakeup. So today is for Gary. I'm gonna go for a bike ride. I'm going to have some greasy spoon diner breakfast. I'm gonna wear my hair big and crazy and curly. I need to do some stuff in Adobe. And I'm gonna sit around and shoot the shit with the people who mean the most to me and some Jack Daniels and it will be a good day.

This was a good day too. Gary and I road tripping from Ohio to California.

We like silhouettes and shadows :-)

The sweet: So, remember the aforementioned detail gnats that make my brain all flaily and wake me up in the middle of the night? They are all wedding details. *I still need to print menu cards*We have to redo the seating chart*Shit, can we afford this?*We have A LOT of stuff to take to the venue*Gotta get all the vendors on the same page*Mother Nature, I don't see rain in the forecast. Thanks. Let's keep it that way*Vows. Oh hell, I gotta write my vows* WHAT WERE WE THINKING? We live in Ohio and we have an outdoor venue without a tent*I'm gonna have to pee eventually. How do I manage that in my dress?!?*Veil. Oh hell, I have to make my veil*Is it gonna be too hot? Am I going to sweat to death in my dress?*Gotta remember to eat. Don't want to be hangry at my own wedding*I hope my hair doesn't choose that day to be ultra rebellious*I'm going to cry. I won't have pockets. I will need tissues. I hope I don't get raccoon eyes or a snotty face.*

You can see how these things might wake one up in the middle of the night. But it's okay. Because in one week, the end result is going to be that I get to marry the man of my dreams. The stress and the sleepless nights and the laughter and frustration and tears, it's all leading up to next Sunday. So we're on the final countdown of being a single lady (Oh, now you get to have both songs in your head. You're double welcome). So today is for me. I'm gonna go for a bike ride. I'm going to my favorite diner for breakfast where I can relax with a cup of coffee and read some Game of Thrones. I'm going to wear my hair big and crazy and curly because that's just what it likes to do. I'm going to reformat my menu cards and table numbers in Adobe so I can squash those mental gnats. And I'm gonna hang out with my mom and my sisters and Danny and Jack and it will be a good day.

Tap Dancing Nekkid Down the Street

You ever have a moment when you're just frazzled? Like "Holy shit, I have to be someplace by 6:30, and I have to stop at the grocery store, and I have to load up the car, and I have to pick up my sister, and I have to be all the way on the other side of town by 6:30, and dammit, what possessed me to answer my phone at 5:02, as I was shutting down my computer? That always leads to at least a 10 minute conversation! Shit, I'm never gonna make it by 6:30!" (I was still a few minutes late, but such is my life. I was actually a lot close to being on time than I thought I would be!)

So, as all these thoughts were swirling through the old noggin, I was walking into the grocery store (to get some snackums for a lovely ladies night of drinks, snacks, chubby baby cheeks, laughter and wedding craftiness. That's another post for another time ;-) and I'm relatively sure that I had a crinkly, intense look on my face and I am almost 100% certain that I was talking to myself. But in spite of my crazy lady persona, another woman was walking out the door and said a very simple sentence: "You look really pretty today!"

Now I had never met this woman before, and I'll most likely never see her again (or if I do, I won't recognize her, because I was so far into my frazzle that I couldn't pick her out if she went tap dancing nekkid down the street), but that one simple, unexpected compliment put me in a totally different headspace.

This morning I went to yoga and breakfast with my buddy Ru again (Apparently we have deep conversations. I guess that's what sunshiney yoga'll do to ya!) and we got to talking about how, as a society, we have stopped having connections with people. **This came about because we were sitting outside the North Market, where they have picnic tables that can easily seat 8 people. A guy walked by and seemed exasperated because there were people sitting at each table, but none of them were even close to full. Hell, he could have sat at our table. We were the only 2 sitting there, and while I know that we were two stone cold foxes in our workout gear, we clearly make awesome dining companions!

But when's the last time you actually spoke to a stranger? Do you text people for 2 hours to get the same information that could have been ferreted out with a 3 minute phone convo? When you're by yourself in public, do you bury yourself in the latest igaldroidberry gadget and have no clue what's going on around you, or even do it as a deterrent to keep strangers from talking to you? Guilty. Let's change that! The next time you see someone wearing a fly ass pair of shoes or you hear someone with a great laugh, tell them! You never know who you'll be breaking out of their frazzled brain cage :-)

Pole Position

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of going to yoga and breakfast with my good good buddy Ru. We faced our dogs downward and let our eagles fly high and then we walked to get some brekkie before I had to go to work. It was nice to just chat and catch up with each other. One thing that we talked about was pole dancing. I've been taking pole dance classes since January and performed in a recital in May. Ru came to see the recital (Yup. I'm an adult in a dance recital. Don't be mad.), and I've been trying to talk her into taking classes too, but her schedule hasn't allowed it. We talked about how much stronger I've gotten, how much more comfortable I am with myself, the fact that I have new bruises every week (which I think is flippin awesome) and how being sexy is okay...nay a good thing.

First of all, no, I'm not a stripper. And if I was, so what? But I started taking these classes as a fitness option that I had never had before. And let me tell you, these classes are a doozy! When I first started, my upper body strength was just about to the point where I could bench press the bar. The. End. I can now climb a 12 foot pole and touch the ceiling. I can hold my entire body off the ground with just my hands and arms and pull myself into a pike or a tuck. I can invert myself and hold my body upside down, 2 feet off the ground using just my inner thighs. Um, what?

During the recital in May

When I first started, being intentionally sexy was weird. Because let's face it, we all have our body hang ups. But the nature of pole dancing is inherently sensual, and if it's something that you want to do, you just have to woman up and love that t-shirt! You learn to be comfortable with yourself and to be fully supportive of the other women in class, who cheer you on along the way as well. Right now, I'm the biggest person in my class, and I struggle with inversions. I mean, for real, have you seen this wagon that I'm draggin?? It's HARD to get all this ass over my head! But when I finally got it, those ladies cheered me over my hurdle and up the pole. (I may or may not have promptly fallen on my head, but I was over a mat, so who cares! I got upside down!)

The biggest thing that I have gotten out of my pole dance journey is a way to get out of my own head. As I mentioned before, I struggle with certain poses and moves, just because of how my body is shaped. But it's more than that. If I try something a few times and I can't get it, I won't get it because my mind is discouraged. But I keep trying and eventually it just happens. At some point, all of my muscles and joints get their shit together and make sense of what I was trying to do and actually do it, and I break through that mental barrier. Even if I don't get it the next time, I've already done it, so clearly I can do it again. At this point, it's just a setback, not a failure. I feel like Harry Potter when he makes a Patronus for the first time because he knew he had done it in the futurepast and it wasn't a mental block for him anymore.

Layout in May. I'm WAAAAAAAY stronger now!

I've found a hobby that I am truly passionate about. Not only do I see a physical transformation, but I can tell there's been a mental transformation as well. I look stronger and I feel stronger and I have the strength to mentally push through anything that's blocking me (because, let's be honest, if I can convince myself that my abs and biceps are strong enough to lift this junk in the trunk 5 feet in the air, what the hell CAN'T I do?!?). I have been sick, come to pole class. Driven like a bat out of hell from Philly to make it to pole class. I've fallen on my head, mashed the tops of my feet up so that they are purple and swollen, gotten all sorts of bruises in really strange places, banged up my ankles, cracked the shit out of my knees and tailbone, achieved some gnarly pole burn and worked so hard that my fingers wouldn't bend all the way and my arms were like overcooked noodles. But I love it. I can't imagine going a week without it. Pole dancing has made me a better person, and every time I have a new bruise, I show off that war wound with pride!

So lady friends, yoga is lovely for getting into a good mental place, but if you are looking for something a little more...sassy, try out pole dancing. Anyone can do it, regardless of why you *think* you can't. "I'm not sexy!" Bullshit. You're a tiger, ready to pounce. "I'm too big!" Cockamamie. It's about the mental just as much as the physical and you will be amazed at what you can do when you tell yourself that you can. "I'm not in good enough shape to wear short shorts and a sports bra in class!" Preposterous. You gotta start somewhere, right? Otherwise why work out? Also, after a few months, you'll be strutting around, guns ablazin' like this gal. "I'm not strong enough to climb the pole!" Well shit, NO ONE is strong enough to climb the pole when they first start. You can be fucking He-Man, but you gotta start from the bottom to make it to the top. You use muscles that you didn't even know existed. Your skin starts to act like those rubber jar openers that stick to the metal to give you a grip. You will eventually hang in a beautiful pose using only your ARMPIT AND THE SKIN UNDER YOUR RIBS. That shit don't come easily.

Any more excuses? I didn't think so. If you're in Columbus, my vote is to check out Studio Rouge, but hey, I'm biased ;-)

Things Have Been a Little...Hectic, Shall We Say?

Well friends, it's been a while. Like, a long while. And I'm sorry for that, but I'll be better, promise :-) So, here's the happs...
I got a promotion at work. I'm now the wedding specialist for the hotel. Except for the fact that we are so incredibly short staffed that I can't really focus on selling weddings because I have to deal with everything else coming into the office.
Had an awesome (mostly) ladies road trip to Savannah for my cousin's college graduation (Hold the phone. College? What?)
I've eaten a ton of delicious num nums at new places around town.
Oh, and I'm getting married. Next month. In 24 days, to be exact. Um. So that's cool.

There's a lot of DIYness going on. For example, our sweet-ass save the dates and invites. Centerpieces being made by my future mother in law. All the flowers, except my bouquet, will be made by yours truly and bridal party. Name cards and table placement, this guy. My veil, I'm all over it. Our altar/chuppah/non-denominational ceremony backdrop (Whatever you want to call it, we're building it. The boy tore apart a barn to get the materials. Not even shitting you.) The menu for dinner was developed by the boy (Sodexho, we don't need your damn preconceived notions of what we should eat at our wedding. We do what we want.). Wedding website. I did it. You should check it out.

There will be various other fun deets that are just kind of out of the ordinary and I could not be more excited, but I want some things to be a surprise for the guests, so there shan't be any pictures until later. So, Adventures in Domesticating is truly becoming houseWIFEy. Whoa...it's gonna take a while to get used to that, but I'm totally up for the challenge. ;-)

Here's my wedding/event tip of the day...when you send out invitations, number your RSVP cards. The boy could not understand why the hell I was writing tiny numbers on the back of the cards and corresponding them with my Excel master list of names, addresses, meals, gifts, table numbers, what-have-yous. Let me tell you why. I'm still waiting on 20 RSVP cards (even though the due date was a week ago, but I'm not letting it stress me out...yet. But please believe I will be badgering people in the next week. Honey badger don't give a shit.). Of the cards that I have received, I'd say a good 20 didn't have names written in. So, in order to save yourself a crazy frenzy of trying to figure out who you need to chuck a plate of beef at during, just number them shits.

TTFN lovelies! It's bedtime and I get one last night of bed all to myself while the boy is off getting his man card stamped in Vegas for his bachelor party. And don't worry, it won't be 7 months until we chat again :-)

3 Simple Truths

Truth: The economy is kind of a shit.
Truth: There are lots of people out there who don't have jobs.
Truth: I am grateful to have a job with benefits.

In truth, I am grateful to have a job. I'm just not the happiest with it. Granted there are things about it that work my nerves, but in general, I like my co-workers, especially since a certain someone left a few months ago. However, I am just goddamn unhappy there. I wanted this job to learn more about the hospitality/event planning industry and everyone said that getting into a hotel is the best way to go. Here's my problem (and I occasionally feel like a jerkbag for feeling this way, but then I get over it): I'm intelligent. I'm well educated. I've supervised a staff of 20. I'm creative. I like to think about things. I always want to learn more. I work quickly and efficiently. I currently order office supplies. And answer phones. And purge files that are almost as old as I am. I make signs from a template. People throw a stack of piddly bullshit busy work in my inbox and I'm done with it in a half hour. I'm not learning anything.

See the disconnect? So yes, I am grateful to have a job, but I need more. I know there are some people out there who would be ecstatic to have a job that allows them to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, lunch included, and have some pretty easy responsibilities. That's just not for me. I've asked for more responsibility. I've asked for projects, but there's nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to aspire to, no opportunity for upward movement.

 No, I'm not going to shoot myself in the foot like I did the last time and leave without another job on the horizon. But I've been sort of looking, which is turning into looking in earnest, because I'm having a hell of a time staying pleasant. If you know me at all, you know that my body language SCREAMS everything I'm feeling. I know that I look bored. Posture is terrible, sloopy droopy face, you know the drill. I'm sure that part of this has to do with my usual (self-diagnosed) SAD, compounded by the fact that my office is windowless and never at a moderate temperature.

Until I've got something new in the works, I have to keep myself entertained in other ways...which, starting next Monday, will include pole dance classes!! So, I might be slogging along in soul crushing drudgery for 8 hours a day, but dammit, I'm gonna have legit Xena Warrior Princess arms and abs!

Sayonara 2012...

Well, 2012, this will be our last chat. This year was full of the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm currently sitting on the couch in my sweat pants, as I do most New Year's Eves (because Danny has to work. Like he does every year. Because some jackwagon wants to get married on New Year's Eve. Sigh...If your anniversary is New Year's Eve, huzzah for you, but it sucks for the rest of us who(se loved ones) are making your day special. So tip well punks...). I swear 2013 is the year that I'm gonna get my shit together and party it up right at all appropriate times, like my birthday, Halloween and New Year's Eve. I know that everyone has all their things that they want to talk about from the past year and all the resolutions they're gonna make for next year and blabbity blabbity blah. Clearly, I'm in a bit of a melancholy mood.

I also wanna drop some knowledge about my 2012, but for the sake of my own sanity and so that I don't end up a weepy, quivering mess on the floor, each highlight gets 4 words or less. Aaaaaaaaaand here we go!

New York City!
Built (unused) dog bed
Girls weekend in Wisconsin
Quit job
New job
New tattoo for mom
Parents' 25th anniversary
First scrapbooking attempt
Indians game dugout suite
Inaugural ziplining trip
Got engaged
Mom's surprise 50th party
Finished (ish) the theater
Sand volleyball champions!
Fam visits from Cali
San Diego wedding trip
Moderately successful gardening
Gary died. Shit. Fuck.
New tattoo for Gary
Gary's funeral was AMAZING.
Lost 15 pounds
Found my wedding dress
First pro soccer game
Got new couch! Finally!!
Turned 30
Taco truck tour!
Prison haunted house
Adult footies
Bestie had a kid!
New niece!
Graphic design classes
Wedding plan plan plan
Selected as Date2Remember couple
Didn't win the powerball :-(
Ate great food
Made new friends
Sunday Dinner and Movie

Now, I'm sure there are things that I have forgotten. I have a terrible memory, so that's pretty much guaranteed. In order to remember some of these things, I took a trip down Adventures in Domesticating memory lane and I realized a few things: I REALLY like to be warm. And eat. And say the phrase "Eat/drink them shits up." And that I love fiercely, laugh often and keep on chuggin' along.

2012 has taught me much. I've lost a lot. I've gained a lot. There are things that I would do over again in a heartbeat and things that I wish never happened, but all I can do now accept my life as it has been, be excited about what it will be and say "See ya never 2012!"

Have a happy New Year! Danny and I will be here in front of the fire, watching the ball drop with our pups on the couch. Stay safe out there butterbeans :-)

Om Nom Nom...Cooper's Hawk Winery + Some Christmas (Self) Shopping Deals

Hey Friendsicles! Huzzah for not being apocalypsed!

So, this snow, right? Old Man Winter has been absent for the past 2 years and he's back with a vengeance today! Danny and I both got off work early today, so we decided to go out for dinner at a new place! This joint, Cooper's Hawk Winery, (which is a much bigger chain restaurant than I thought until just now, when I looked on their website) just opened at Easton last month. I'd been curious about it and Danny and I stopped in a few weeks ago, just to poke around the retail area. Huge pro: They give free samples as you walk in the door. The first time we went, the sample was a glorious sparkling almond wine (which was our wine of choice for dinner tonight). The sample today was a warm spiced winter white. I've never warm mulled white wine before, but I will damn sure be doing it again!

It's a HUUUUUUUUGE space! Ginormous downstairs dining room and a big upstairs balcony that overlooks part of the dining room and kitchen. It was great to be able to see all the action from upstairs. Lots of wood and warm browns, and a very relaxed, yet sophisticated vibe. Danny was happy that they had a good variety of music and even got a few old Stevie Wonder songs in there. 

We had potstickers and crab cakes for appetizers. Both were pretty solid, and the sauces were outstanding! The crab cakes had a crunchy Asian slaw and a lemon mustard sauce...muah! The potstickers had the traditional ginger soy dipping sauce, but also some other yellow mustardy business. I liked it, but I was definitely more into the crab cakes. For the entrees, I had a braised short rib risotto. It was alright. I think it would have been better had I not had a bite of Danny's trio of medallions. There were three slices of filet mignon and each slice had a potato butter topping. I only tasted the horseradish one, but there were also bleu cheese and cheddar. So. Freaking. Good.

Dessert was cheesecake with strawberries. Nothing too special there. The service was great and I really just loved the ambiance. This would be a great Girl's Night Out location, and they have a private barrel dining room, which I LOVE! In all, Cooper's Hawk warms the cockles of my {girl who used to live in the Central Coast of California with 50 wineries and vineyards within 20 miles} heart.

Part 2: A few days ago, I got a coupon email from New York & Co., as I get most days. This one said EVERYTHING IS ON SALE! AND TAKE SOME EXTRA $$ OFF! AND ALL JEWELRY IS $5.99!
Whaaaaa? So of course I had to check it out. I braved Morse Road traffic. During rush hour. The week before Christmas. **I was initially trying to get to FedEx to pick up a package, and Easton was on the way(ish). That's a good reason, right?** If you've ever met me and had any sort of fashion conversation, you know that I have a love/hate relationship with my lower body and clothing. I love my curves, I hate that I can never find damn pants to fit.

Before I even made it to the jewelry, I had about a dozen items to try on (What can I say? It was a REALLY good sale!) and I actually found some stuff that fit! Even pants! In a size 8! Say whaaaaaaaaaat? $230 later, I walked out with 3 button down shirts, 2 sweaters, a puffer vest, a pair of work pants, a pair of skinny jeans, a keyhole turtleneck (I LOVE clothes with fun details, like unexpected cutouts), a sparkly shirt, 2 rings, 2 necklaces and a pair of earrings.

Hey, holiday shopping is stressful. I needed a little reprieve for myself to make it through!

Ooooh, shiny pretty!

Four Weddings? Nope, One is Enough for Me!

Today was a sick day for me. Took the day off work because I had some terrible things happening in my stomach all night, and as a consequence, I spent almost all day on the couch. A) Food poisoning (me) and/or the flu (Danny) is a dirty pirate hooker. We're both pretty much useless. I am so freaking sore all over, to the point that I can hardly move. It hurts to lay down, sit, stand, walk, pretty much anything is miserable. I've eaten half a cup of rice and 5 Frosted Mini Wheats and I am just cranky and exhausted.

To make things worse, I have gotten stuck on the show Four Weddings. I watched 3 episodes, interspersed with other stuff (namely Love Actually, which I love Love LOVE! It made me cry, as usual, and just put me in a better mood). But Four Weddings is an absolute shitshow. If you're not familiar with the concept of the show, it's 4 women who go to each other's weddings and judge/score them, in the hopes of winning a honeymoon.

All I have to say is that the women on these shows are, for the most part, big ass jerks. "The music was too loud, the chicken was dry, you didn't have enough flowers, I don't like her dress", and so on and so forth. I just wanted to shake them and hiss menacingly at them "How dare you!?" Since I'm planning our wedding, I'm really sensitive to how people react to weddings. I know that these women put their hearts, souls and a shitload of money into their big days and to have a stranger pick it apart like that just makes me CRAZY!

But hey, I wouldn't be mad to win a honeymoon to Bora Bora...just throwing that out there.

Well, Danny's home from work and it's time for us to both be lumps on the couch in our own respective clouds of ick.

Don't Tell Him I Said This...

Danny asked me a couple weeks ago if I had written a blog about him. My response was that I hadn't because I wanted it to be special and that I would probably cry about it, so I needed to be in the correct mind set for it. His response (after getting a very concerned look on his face)? "Don't cry over me!" Oh, sir, if you only knew...

But the funny thing is, he does know. He's seen be at my best and at my worst, gasping for breath from laughing too much, curled up in a ball sobbing on the couch, sneezy and miserable, excited about learning something new, singing and dancing to the Spice Girls at the Olympics (he may or may not have secretly filmed me doing that and put it on Facebook.) and everything in between. He doesn't read my blog, so I can say whatever I want and get as sappy as a maple tree in February (I remember that little tidbit of information from reading Little House on the Prairie books when I was a kid). But since he asked that I not cry over him, I guess I'll keep it short and sweet...

So, today I'm thankful for this guy:

We've certainly had our ups and downs over the past 12 years, like any couple. But no matter what, being friends was always the most important thing in our relationship, even during the times that we weren't together. Beyond being friends, though, Danny has supported me when through funemployment. He's been my shoulder to cry on and when I've needed to be strong for everyone else, he was the one who was strong for me. Every day we make each other laugh, even when one or both of us is in a pissy mood. And we always say "I love you" when we leave, because we are acutely aware that at some point, it'll be the last time you get to say it.

Last thing I am going to say...a few months ago, I asked Danny if he was happy, if he missed the butterflies and excitement of being in a new relationship. He said that he was happy and that he didn't miss being in a new relationship, because he likes having someone to come home to, someone he's comfortable with and who knows him. I like that too. Butterflies are cool and all, but they only last for so long. So, fee-yawn-say, you're pretty radical and I want to shout it from the rooftops! (Boop, boop, boop...).

The series of photos below just about sums us up. We're making weird faces and then I dissolve into laughter. Such is the life ;-)

 Hooray! I made it through 30 days of thankfulness! To everyone who has read along, thank you for making this journey with me. I've realized that I have a lot to be thankful for, and while it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day junk, it's important to take a minute to recognize that. Happy December, lovebugs!

Happy Hour!!

You ever have one of those days when you just need to get a drink after work? I had one of those days today. And I put out the call for happy hour drinking buddies at about 10:00 this morning. (Don't judge me, it's been one of those kind of weeks...)

Folks had stuff to do, so I only had one happy hour homie today, which was fine, because we had some awesome conversations, especially since I hadn't seen her in a while. One of the things we talked about was mental illness, depression, grief and anxiety (sparkling happy hour conversation, I know) and she helped me put words to some things that I think I subconsciously knew, but weren't in the forefront of my mind.

We talked about how being in Student Affairs actually trains you really well to deal with the shit that goes on in your own life. I don't know of many career fields where you may deal with suicide attempts, fires, drug overdoses, alcohol poisoning, sexual assault, physical assault and eating disorders and help people work through those issues. Doing that really helps you be able to put your own problems into perspective. So when I see people on tv in therapy for grief and make great, lifelong friendships, I wonder if I'm doing something wrong in my grief process. But, since we all know that tv is not the end all, be all of difficult life situations, and because I have been a Student Affairs warrior, I can compartmentalize, rationalize and grieve in my own way. And that's okay.

So today, I'm thankful for friends who a) know you well enough to pick your brain about what you're struggling with and b) help you actually put words to the abstract thoughts in your head. Tulls, here's to you my friend :-)

WTF Wednesday?!?

Oh, hey WTF Wednesday! I haven't seen you here in quite some time! Soooo, remember that time I was driving to work and that school bus stopped to collect a child? Right in front of their house? On a busy street? Directly past a stop light? Oh yeah, that happened this morning. And pretty much every morning when I leave 4 minutes later than usual. And today when I had to go on errands to buy gifts for our employee holiday party.

You know, I get that folks want their kids to get safely on the bus. But for real? Morse Road? Couldn't you pull into the apartment complex instead of stopping traffic on busy ass Morse Road? When I rode the school bus (cue curmudgeonly old lady voice...) I had to walk to the nearest school and wait. Granted, it wasn't that far away, but I definitely wasn't getting door to door service. And the bus wasn't holding up traffic 18 times in one mile to pick up 18 kids.

Here's how I see it...parents don't seem to be letting the kids out of their sight. So rather than making the bus stop 57 different times, bundle your kids up and walk/drive/bike them to the nearest school/church/fire station/what-have-you, hang out with 20 other kids and parents, hawkeye your own kids and STOP GETTING IN MY DAMN WAY!!

In other news, I went to Target today to get some extension cords for our holiday lights. Should have been 10 minutes and $10 right? An hour and a half and $200 later, I finally made it out alive. So today, I'm thankful for Target. Thinning bank accounts and supplying all the things you never knew you needed since 1962

Dammit, I Just Can't Quit You!

I was gonna get in the bed an hour and 40 minutes ago. Not to go to sleep, but so that I could read and get all snugged and warm under the blankets. Thanks to the miracle of the SyFy network, I got sucked into 2 episodes of Total Blackout and 2 episodes of Scare Tactics. Whenever I go over my mom's, I end up getting sucked into some crazy ass reality shows. Yesterday it was Catfish. The time before that it was Couple's Therapy. These are hours and hours of my life that I will never get back.

So today, I'm thankful for all the ways that my tv wastes my time, makes my brain a little mushier and gives me a little mindless escape from the everyday!

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum!

Holy moly! I absolutely didn't do a blog yesterday! But I'm making up for it now :-)

Remember that time I had a minor temper tantrum about ridiculous Christmas song lyrics? I still whole-heartedly stand behind those statements. And I had my first christmas shoes hearing of the season yesterday. Notice how I don't even validate that song by capitalizing the title? I think I've discovered the secret to being able to love on holiday music for 5 weeks without wanting to scratch your own ears off after hearing "Feliz Navidad" for the eleventy billionth time. (Side note: Did you know that there are only 19 words in that song? Repeated over and over and over for eternity.)

Tip 1: Wait until Thanksgiving to listen to your holiday tunes. I avoided 93.3 fm like the plague, since they decided that Halloween was a good time to become a 24 hour holiday music station. How rude.

Tip 2: Mix it in with some other music. Don't get me wrong. I have 5 Christmas music stations on my Pandora. That does not mean, however, that I've completely ix-nayed my other stations. Please believe that there is still a sufficient amount of booty shaking music that makes its way into the rotation.

Tip 3: Recognize and be okay with the fact that there are really only like 14 Christmas songs. Remixed, mashed-up, jazzed out, punk rocked, cartooned and christmas shoed (it gets its own damn category, because not once have I ever heard someone do a cover of that hot mess.)

So today, I'm thankful for holiday cheer. That fine balance that's just enough to satisfy my Carol of the Bells craving for the next 11 months (Let's be honest. I'll listen to it at some point in the summer. In my car. With the windows up. Belting it out at the top of my lungs.), but not so much that I'm curled up in a drooling huddle on the floor whisper screaming "Pa rum pum pum pum!" sniffing pine scented candles and shoving candy canes in my face!

Happy holidays lovies!!