I Like to Put Things In My Mouth...I'm a Snacker. What of It?!?

This past weekend I went on a much needed road trip with some fabulous ladies to visit another fabulous lady in Wisconsin. I know what you're thinking..."Amber, why on earth would you drive to Wisconsin? In the middle of the winter? Silly girl!" Yes, well it did happen to be the one weekend it snowed this winter in Wisconsin, but that's beside the point. On this epic adventure, one person got a date under awkward-ish circumstances, one person got food poisoning (and puked in the car. Next to me. I don't want to talk about it anymore.), and I had some hellacious allergies which are just now clearing up. But for the car ride, I had a bag full of delicious road trip snackies. I had salty, sweet, healthy, not so healthy, a little something for everyone.

The reason I did this was because I am a chronic road trip grazer. I am all about chips, beef jerky, machine French Vanilla Cappuccino, pork rinds, giant chewy Sweet Tarts, Skor bars, all the greasy, crunchy, salty, candy shit that I don't usually eat at home. And I also knew that we would be eating and drinking. A lot. There was a brewery tour involved. Lots of beer. Everyone's diets/healthy eating habits went WAAAAAAY out the window with this weekend. So I decided to bring some things to try and head off putting such unhealthy things in my mouth. Here's what I rounded up:

Trader Joe's Roasted Seaweed Snacks

I am OBSESSED with these little snackums. They are salty and crunchy and one pack is 2 servings and only 60 calories total. I let my inner fat kid out when I get a pack of them. I devour them in my car, and then I get little seaweed flakes all over me and then pick them off of myself. I don't even care who sees and judges me. And don't even get me started on the wasabi flavored ones. If you've got a strong constitution and an affinity for spicy foods, give these little num-nums a try. Danny thinks they smell like ass (they do have a certain aroma about them), but I think they taste like heaven!

Trader Joe's All Fruit Bars Ends and Pieces

Sweet, chewy, fruity deliciousness. And because it's the irregularly shaped ends and pieces cut off the bigger sheets all mixed together, you never know what flavor you're going to get. It's like Christmas in your mouth with each bite!

Dried Apricots

Also purchased from Trader Joe's (noticing a pattern here?). I love the flavor and the texture of these little nuggets. Not too sweet, with a subtle tartness that just makes the tongue happy. You can grab them at most grocery stores, but surprisingly, they were significantly less expensive at TJ's.

Ginger People Ginger Chews

I have been eyeballing these guys for quite some time, and finally just bought them. Spicy and sweet. Extra chewy. Super gingery. All natural. 3 ingredients (cane sugar, ginger, tapioca starch). They melt gloriously into a cup of hot tea. Settles the tummy. What's not to love?

Roasted Unsalted Cashews

Cashews are another one of my usual roadtrip staples. But this time, I decided to go the unsalted route. What a difference! I could taste the nuts without that burny, raw feeling in your mouth that you get when you eat super salty nuts. And my fingers didn't get all bloated afterwards! Score! Also, way cheaper at TJ's.

Wonder Bars

These, friends, were my piece de resistance. The decidedly unhealthy portion of my sack of snacks, but sometimes, you just need a little guilty pleasure. I called them crack bars because when I was in grad school, I could literally eat an entire pan of them. Even now, I can eat far too many for my comfort level. They are just so dang addictive! I'm sure there are plenty of different variations on them, but here's my recipe:

1 1/2 cups cinnamon graham cracker crumbs

1 stick butter, melted

1-14 oz can sweetened condensed milk

2 cups of chips (I used a mix of semi-sweet chocolate chips, Reese's peanut butter chips and Heath toffee pieces)

1 cup crushed nuts (I used the aforementioned unsalted cashews and pecans)

Shredded coconut (enough to cover the top, about 1 cup)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Mix butter and graham cracker crumbs. Press into 13x9 inch pan. (You may want to hit the pan with some pan spray, like Baker's Joy, to help keep the edges from sticking. I didn't and lost some of the edges.)

3. Pour condensed milk on top, tilting pan to cover the crust.

4. Evenly cover with chips, nuts and coconut and bake for 20-25 minutes, until it begins to brown. 

5. Let cool completely, cut and eat them shits up. Then recruit some friends to eat them too, otherwise you'll make yourself sick. 

Sooooo, in general, I think I did pretty good with keeping fairly healthy roadtrip snackums in my belly during this trip. A bag of teriyaki beef jerky may or may not have snuck into my stash of healthy snacks during a gas station stop, but I only ate like 2 pieces and the vast majority was eaten by the boy after I got home. So I say the jerky doesn't count. Another perk of packing my own snacks instead of grazing gas station culinary delicacies along the route is that I spent far less money than if I bought snacky snacks at each stop. 

Also, Celine Dion and Alanis Morisette make great singing companions. Just thought I would throw that little tidbit out there for y'all.

Change is A Comin...

Change is a comin' in our home. This weekend, Danny and I began working on our upstairs. What is our upstairs like currently, you ask? Well let me just tell you. It is a big empty room that runs the length of the house. There is some tragic wood paneling, a strange pegboard ceiling, grody cork flooring, an awesome built-in desk with some fabulous 70's pattern laminate, an interesting half wall made of pegboard, a giant closet, some built in dressers and very little ventilation/air/heat. Needless to say this is a space that we don't ever use. (Ironically, when Danny first moved into the house, it was a trainwreck, and the only place that we could sleep was in the upstairs. Just imagine me and Danny, living in this one room with two cats (which I am allergic to, and I was mortal enemies with one of them) and sleeping on an air mattress that had a slow leak, so that we would wake up pretty much on the floor every morning.)

This room is going to be transformed into a home theater/office space, that can also be used as a guest bedroom. We took down the weird pegboard wall and ceiling, and began sanding the walls to get them ready to paint. We are going to eventually replace the lights, add a ceiling fan or two, replace the floor, put wainscotting in for the ceiling, add more electrical circuits and convert the dressers into bookcases. I'm excited to see how everything will end up, and I think it will be pretty awesome! We're totes inviting folks over to hang out when it's all finished!

The weird pegboard wall has already been taken down. 

Pull down those ceiling tiles, boy!

Change is a comin' in me. I'm not a skinny girl. I've never been a skinny girl. I've always been athletic, muscular and curvy, and I am A-OK with that. Honestly, I would much rather be shapely and womanly than bone thin. But over the past 6 or 7 months, I have just been a mess. I have fallen off the fitness wagon. I have fallen off and gotten tangled up and dragged along behind. The bane of my existence is shopping for pants...to the point where I have broken down crying in the store. *Ask the boy about that day. It was traumatizing for both of us.*

My goal is to get down to 150 pounds by my birthday. That's 31 pounds of Amber to go bye-bye. I want to be able to buy pants that don't look like I've poured them on (It doesn't matter what size I buy, pants just really aren't made for my body shape). I want to be able to get shorts this summer and not worry that I'm Cameltoe McGee or that my legs look like sausages about to burst out of the casing.

I miss my collarbones. I don't own a scale because I don't really care what my weight is. I'm far too muscular to worry about having small numbers on the scale. If I ever get down to 120 pounds, it's almost guaranteed that I've had a leg amputated somewhere along the way. My biggest indicator is how my clothes fit (clearly not well these days) and whether I can see my collarbones. I can't see them, and I don't know when they stopped being well-defined.

So, now it's out there in the universe and interwebs. I am not ashamed of where I am physically and sharing it, so that's what I'm going to do. If you don't care, that's fine. It just helps me to remain accountable to myself if I can show some progress, especially if it's out there for others to see, rather than just being recorded in my personal notebook.

Now, this blog is not about to become something focused on diet and exercise. That's not interesting to me. But I will share my stats, maybe weekly, and I'm going to try to do something fun and out of the ordinary at least once a month and I may talk about that. Hell, if you have anything that you are excited about in your healthy living, let me know. I'll try most things at least once! On that note, it may be time for me to register for the Warrior Dash! Who's ready to get dirty with me?!? Ru, I know you're in there like swimwear :)

Spicy, Chocolatey Goodness...(and I'm Not Talking About Me!)

So, I was going to start this post off by describing how I'm pretty sure that Mother Nature is exhibiting symptoms of Dissociative Personality Disorder. But then I got bored trying to make the metaphorical analysis, so here's the deal. It's cold and snowy this evening. Last week it was like 60 degrees. My nerves are all jangly because the weather is all over the place. And even though I HATE being cold, I would rather it just be damn winter than being a big spring-like tease. Which leads me to the main reason for this post.

After I got home from work and running several errands, I was fuh-reezing and all I wanted was a mug of something warm. Hot. Chocolate. Yussssss. Then I realized I didn't have any milk and I didn't want to go back out. So I improvised. I had some heavy whipping cream, and figured I would make it work. This is what I came up with: (Not gonna lie, I felt like this last sentence needed to have the "DINK DINK" sound that comes at the beginning of Law and Order: SVU. It felt more epic in my head)

This is enough to make one mega fatkid mug of hot chocolate, like I drank, or 2 normal sized mugs. Don't judge me. I was cold.

1/3 to 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream (1/3 cup for one mega fatkid mug, 1/2 cup for 2 mugs)
1.5 oz of whatever hot chocolate powder you prefer (I'm partial to the World Market Gingerbread or S'Mores flavors)
Boiling water
Pinch of cayenne pepper, optional
Pinch of ground ginger, optional
Pinch of cinnamon, optional


With a hand mixer with a whisk attachment, beat the whipping cream until it just begins to stiffen. I did it in the mug, you can do it in the mug or in a small bowl, and then separate it out into 2 mugs. Add the hot chocolate powder, cayenne pepper, ginger and cinnamon and continue beating until the cream is stiff. Don't go too long, or it'll get grainy!

Separate into two mugs, if you're going that route. Add enough boiling water to fill the mug(s). Stir to melt the whipped cream. Drink that shit up.

Let me tell you what your mouth is about to experience. The thickest, creamiest, deliciousest (yup, that just happened) hot chocolate of life. Because all the powder is mixed into the whipped cream, you don't get that sad clump of graininess at the bottom of the mug. It doesn't start out with a hearty mouthfeel and get all thin at the end. This drink is thick and creamy all the way to the end. If you're brave enough to add the spices, it gives your tummy an extra feeling of warmth, and makes you just want to curl up under a fuzzy blanket and never leave. It's a pretty damn good way to deal with the cold and if I had any talent whatsoever at building a fire, that would be the perfect way to relax on a cold evening :-) Next time I make this bad boy, I'm using dark chocolate. It's gonna get crazy...

The End of World War 3: Dog-Mageddon!

As you may know, I have had some serious issues with the dogs sleeping in the bed. If you were not aware of this, check it out. Dog-Mageddon was kind of a shitshow. One night a couple of months ago, I was sick, and the dogs were all over me in the bed and I couldn't sleep, so I got up and slept on the couch. That night, I think Danny realized I was at my breaking point and the next day he ordered an extra large memory foam dog bed. Let me just tell you about this dog mattress. It is almost as wide as our queen sized bed, and about 3 feet across. And then he decided that we needed to build a frame for it so that it was up off the floor. A frame that was the same height as the bed so that the dogs would feel like they are still on the bed with us.

Basic frame

Frame with center divider

Danny and Bozz breaking in the new bed. Look at Lola being a hussy and not using her bed!

So we built a dog bed. It is huge. But pretty awesome. It's got storage underneath (which we need soooo badly!), wheels for easy movement, and it's made out of solid wood. It is a sexy piece of woodwork. The interesting part is that Lola is the one who has been being an asshole and not sleeping on the dog bed at night. We were both so sure that Bozz would be resistant because he and the boy do some heavy duty spooning every night. But homeboy just gets right into his bed, nests up in his blankets and conks out. Lola, on the other hand, is still battling with me. But she'll get it. When she realizes that she can get a full night's sleep and not be kicked all night for laying on my feet, she'll move.

I mean, I guess your bed isn't good enough for you dogs...

The stain is the same color as the floor, so it matches!

Look at all that storage! And that good boy on his bed :-)

Oh, You Fency, Huh?

Well, we're almost halfway through January. Where, oh where has the time gone? Not much has been going on in Amber's World of Domesticating, because Amber is even more broke than before she had a job (oof, you know things are bad when I start referring to myself in 3rd person. I'm done with that now.)
Anyway, I don't think I ever told you about our fence! We started it Labor Day weekend, and it took us about 2 months to get to a place where we could actually let the dogs out in the back yard. It's still not completely done. I still have to stain about 1/4 of it and the garden fence, but I think we did a pretty damn good job!

First fence posts!

Some of the rails are up!

Other side of the yard, keeping out the Demon Bush!

Side fence...the gate wasn't done yet

Our neighbor has this demon thorny bush next to his driveway that we had to build the fence around. And I'm pretty sure that bush gave me more pricks than a college bar on a Saturday night! And because I'm smaller and Danny doesn't know how to use the paint sprayer, I got to climb around in the bush to stain that side of the fence. What. Fun. It was actually probably pretty entertaining to watch me in jeans, a hoody tied as tight around my face as I could get it and still breathe, a respirator, safety glasses and gloves, trying to protect myself from that pokey bastard and the toxic stain spray.

Demon Bush

Devil Thorns on the Demon Bush

Add a little stain...

 Here's the cool thing...we built this bad boy by ourselves, from scratch. None of that pre-fab panel shit. I can now take a glance at a piece of wood and be able to tell you if it's shit and warped, or if it will give you a lovely fence line. The security guards at the Menard's lumber yard know our car. I can contort my body to fit into 1/4 of the front seat of the Jeep, with bags of supplies in the footwell, and still hold on to 10 foot boards so they don't go through the front window.  I can carry and cut wood like a fuckin lumberjack. Table saw, you don't scare me. I have my own tool belt. In other words, Amber and Danny are fence building BOSSES!

WTF Wednesday?!? The Christmas Song Edition

Well friends, it's been quite a while since I've written anything, but happy holidays! In honor of this joyous holiday season, my WTF Wednesday is devoted to that wonderful phenomenon that comes around once a year...Christmas Songs! Have you ever really listened to the words of some of these songs?!?! I mean, sheesh...I'm not going to get all PC about the lyrics, but some of them are just damn ridiculous. Sadly enough, if I don't really think about the words, and just enjoy the Christmas magic these songs invoke, I really like most of them. Either way, in no particular order (except for Christmas Shoes. I freaking HATE that song!), here are my least favorite Christmas songs/lyrics:

Christmas Shoes

WTF Lyric: "Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry sir? Daddy says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes will make her smile. And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that it's supposed to be a heartrending story about a little boy who doesn't have enough money to get one last gift for his mother because she doesn't have long to live. But seriously? Why is this child unsupervised, buying shoes, instead of spending time with his mother. Because the little boy seems to think that mama will be meeting Jesus tonight. Not to mention the fact that the dude singing has the most annoying voice ever. 

Holly Jolly Christmas

WTF Lyric: "Oh ho, the mistletoe, hung where you can see. Somebody waits for you, kiss her once for me."

Hmmm, sir, you are really telling another dude to kiss his lady on your behalf? Who on earth does that? That sounds like you're just cruisin for a bruisin!

Baby It's Cold Outside

WTF Lyric: Woman: "I ought to say no, no, no sir." Man: "Mind if I move in closer?" W: "At least I'm gonna say that I tried." M: "What's the sense in hurting my pride?" W: "I really can't stay." M: "Baby, don't hold out."...W: "My sister will be suspicious." M: "Gosh your lips look delicious."

I could keep going, but what's the point? This whole song? Rape Central. Lady tries to leave, dude gives her more to drink. Lady says no, dude says she's hurting his pride. Lady tries to give excuses about why she should be leaving, dude comments on her delicious lips. Sigh, shaking my head...

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

WTF Lyric: "Now bring us some figgy pudding!...We won't go until we get some!"

This is how I imagine this scenario playing out: A mob group of carolers comes to the door and starts singing this song. How lovely, spreading Christmas cheer! Wait. What? They're demanding figgy pudding? And they won't leave our yard until we give it to them?! What the hell is a figgy pudding? I don't know where to get any, and they're getting closer to the house! Quick honey, out the back door! They're coming for the pudding!!!

Do They Know It's Christmas?

WTF Lyric: "There's a world outside your window and it's a world of dread and fear. Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears. Where the Christmas bells that are ringing are the clanging chimes of Doom. Well tonight, thank God it's them instead of you. And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime. The greatest gift they'll get this year is life. Ohh...Where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow. Do they know it's Christmas time at all?"

Where, oh where to start with this one...Okay. First of all, I understand that this song was written to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia in the 80s, which was a wonderful intention. But for real?!?! Rather than showing any sort of sympathy, the singers are basically saying, "Whew, sucks to be you guys! Thanks, God, for hooking me up!" Next point. During Christmas, it's summer in Africa, so snow's really not common then. And let's not forget that Africa is a huge continent. With different climate regions. There is snow in Africa, somewhere, most likely in the mountains, but it's there. Along with rain, rivers and things that grow. Finally, the clanging chimes of Doom? Ah, Eurocentrism, how classy you are. I just can't anymore...

Honorable mention: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

WTF Lyric: "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games."

Well hello, you little bullying sumbitches. If I was Rudolph, I'd be hanging out with the elves and leaving those punk reindeer to their own devices. Eff your stupid reindeer games!

Happy holidays friends! Enjoy the magic of the season ;-D

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm...

Today was kind of a sleepy day. I found myself being completely zoned out and lost in my own head a few times, just from being tired. And I just took some Benadryl because I've been sneezy all night, so who knows what may come out of my mouth/fingers...

Random musings:

Dear McDonalds,

How dare you make a commercial claiming that an egg mcmuffin is a healthy breakfast option. I call bullshit. And the McRib is made of unidentified pork parts. What the hell RIB do you know that doesn't have, ya know, a RIB BONE?

xoxo,
Amber

How come in single stall bathrooms, the purse hook is so far away from the toilet? What if I need something out of there? What am I supposed to do, shuffle over to it? "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground!"

Angry Birds, I hate you.

I work out of coffee shops a lot these days. There are 4 Caribou Coffees at various points in the city where my iPhone and laptop recognize their wireless signals.

Norah Jones, you're bringing me down.

I want to travel. Like really badly. And right now. But as that's not happening anytime soon,  I will just be happy with the small things in life, like the sweet ass glass food storage set I just got!

Columbus traffic, you are a pickletwister, with all of your freeway entrances/exits being closed downtown!

Yup, pickletwister just happened. I made that up just now.

Adult footie pajamas. I want, nay, I NEED them in my life.

It makes me laugh when my dogs chase rabbits or squirrels in the backyard. Just last night, I let Bozz out and saw a quick flash across the yard toward the deck, with Bozz in close pursuit. Then another flash of bunny tail coming from under the deck as the rabbit ran for its life toward the fence and Bozz came scrabbling over the giant rock pile after it. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that he was going to catch it, but it did give me a little chuckle.

Commercials suck. Not just because they are a giant time waster, but often, they are just terrible, contradictory and poorly made.

If you use the last of the toilet paper, it's your responsibility to put a new roll on. And pulling a roll out of the cabinet and setting it on top of the empty roll still on the holder doesn't count. Don't be lazy. What, you can use the paper, but now you're too good to touch the cardboard roll? Getouttahere...

And now it's bed time...