Sometimes, You Just Have to Let It Out...

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. But I need to get it out, so with tissues in hand, here I go.

Driving. Always driving :-)

On Saturday, August 25, the world became a darker place. My stepdad, Gary, was killed in a motorcycle accident. I was up cleaning the house, getting ready to go to the gym, when my phone rang at 8:52 a.m. Everyone knows you just don't call me before 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning, and when I heard my mom's voice, I knew something terrible had happened. I'm not going to go into the details, but I was at my mom's house within a half hour and we hugged and we cried and we started calling people. The worst part was when my mom had to call and tell my sisters because they live so far away and could do nothing but scream, cry and be in shock.

When everyone made it home the next day, it was hard, but we had each other to lean on. We started making plans for his memorial service because we knew he wouldn't have wanted a funeral where everyone was all sad and weepy and serious. Gary was an amazing artist and graphic designer and had tons of friends who are also ultra creative, so we had help pouring in from all over the city. He loved movies and music, so we held the service at a movie theater. There was an amazing video made with pictures of him and clips from his favorite movies and songs. We spoke and honored his memory, and even though he would not have wanted us to cry for him, every single person in that packed, standing room only theater did.

All of the people who spoke talked about his kindness, his love for Jack Daniels, camping, driving and inappropriate jokes, his acceptance of everyone and his ability to make you feel like the most important person in the room. I had so many people tell me how proud he was of his girls, and how even though weddings were not his thing, how excited he was for mine. I had come to a decision a few days before he died about who I was going to have walk me down the aisle and who was going to have the father-daughter dance (because both Gary and my father have been hugely important in my life), but now the point is moot.

In the midst of all the sadness and heartache, I was able to have a few hours of happiness because my entire bridal party (plus a few extra VIPs) was in town, so we were able to go wedding dress shopping and I'm pretty sure I found "The One." I've been able to spend more time with my family all together since before I left for college. I've reconnected with some people I had lost touch with years ago. I've realized how much I miss my sisters and how proud I am of them, even though I don't tell them nearly enough. I've fallen even more in love with Danny, after watching him just step in and take care of things when I was a big snotty puddle. I realized how much people rely on me to be the rock, and that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.

So Gary, I have you to thank for all of these things. But I wish, more than anything, that I could call you up and hear you say "Hey Poot-head! What's up?" I'm so sad that I won't get to go see the newly remastered Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark at the theater with you next week. I regret more than anything not having gone on that last family road trip to Vermont because I had to work. And nothing breaks my heart more than you not being here to walk me down the aisle.

I can't hate you for leaving us, because you brought too much good into my life and the lives of countless others and you honestly died doing what you love. But goddammit, this is the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to deal with, and I don't know when (or if) it'll stop hurting so much. Until then, I guess I just have to feel what I'm feeling and trust that I, that we all, will be okay. 

Here's to you Gary. You lived life on your own terms and everyone who knew you was better because of it. I love you always. Shots of Jack Daniels all around!

The first of many cross country drives to move someone to or from California.

Slow Down and Enjoy...

Okay, so I never do a two-a-day post, but I had a revelation as I was folding laundry and I needed to share it with you all...

Last Thursday, Danny and I went to Pecha Kucha. If you've never been/heard of it, check this out. It's a great opportunity to interact with all kinds of people and learn about all sorts of things you may never have considered. At last week's PK, one of the presenters was Bear Braumoeller from Slow Food Columbus. His presentation basically said that food quality has been getting progressively worse over the years in America and that in order for us, as a society, to change that, we need to slow our food down and really enjoy it. We can teach ourselves to appreciate a variety of foods that taste good and are good for us, so that we will no longer be satisfied with the subpar swill that fast food restaurants and big chain grocery stores shove into us.

Today, I had an eggplant and a tomato from my garden and I had NO IDEA what to do with them. So I diced up the eggplant and pan fried it, diced up some onion, garlic and my tomato and sauteed them all together into a sauce. Add some angel hair pasta and voila! A perfectly seasoned, light meal with all sorts of interesting smells and textures, like crunch from the eggplant, a little bite from the pasta and liquid silkiness from the tomato sauce. And as I took my first bite, I said to Danny "Everything about this is right..." He just shrugged and went back to eating his canned soup and bread (I offered to share, but he doesn't like eggplant. His loss...). I don't think it fazed him, because when I cook at home, I often say something along the same lines.

Now this is not to say that I'm a perfect cook by any means. But I realized something tonight. When you take the time to make something that you want, that you like, prepared to your specifications, seasoned to your tastes, it just makes a better eating experience. The whole process, from dicing the eggplant, to getting my hands dirty with the flour and egg wash and breadcrumbs, to the pop and sizzle of the oil in the pan, to the smell of caramelizing onions and garlic and finally, to that first, luscious bite. In that moment, everything about my meal was right.

So thank you, Bear Braumoeller for putting the seed of an idea in my mind to slow down and enjoy my food. And I'm so excited that today, the idea finally blossomed into one perfect meal.

Just Do It

Yesterday, I put a call out to my FB friends because I need to get my life together. I need to lose weight and get healthier in general. I need to save money. I need to renew and strengthen my connections with the people who are important to me. I need find ways to express my creativity.

For the past several months, up until Danny and I went on vacation, I have been dealing with some pretty nasty anxiety issues. I'm feeling much better now, but if they come back, I'm going to have to see someone about them. Until then, I'm trying to bring more joy and wonder into my world and I realized that I can't do it by myself.

The reason I put the call out to my FB amigos is because I get so stuck in my own head that it's really easy for me to lose focus of who and what is important to me. I get nervous asking people for help because I've always felt like I need to be the strong, stoic one and I don't want to be a burden, because I know everyone is dealing with their own issues. Even now as I type this, I'm getting a little heart-racey because I know I'm going to put this out there for the world to see.

So I decided to acknowledge that fear and work around it and ask for help. Hopefully the people who have expressed interest in being Accountabilibuddies (Candice, you rock for introducing this word into my life!) will be able to create a strong network for one another and make things happen for the better in their own lives.

Nike, thanks for telling me to "Just Do It." I did something that I wouldn't normally do because I am ready to make a change. Let's see where this first step leads, shall we...

Like a Shiny New Penny

Yesterday, I was all ready to get a payday pedicure. Fresh shaved legs, skirt on so they could get to my legs, flippy floppies in my car so I could go straight after work. Then I realized that I'm a damn adult and needed to buy groceries. Sumbitch. And the fee-yawn-say was at work, so I had to unload all the groceries at home by myself. Hell's bells.

Today, I was gonna get a post-payday pedi. Then I realized that I'm a damn engaged adult and have to pay for a wedding next year. So I decided to spend $15 to get stuff to do my own pedi several times, rather than $40 to go to a nail shop once.

Even though I missed having my feet and legs massaged, I think I did a pretty dang good job. And I got a super cute new fall color, Copper Penny.

Sometimes, it's just the little things in life that make me smile ;-)

P.S. Lazy Girl Sangria is even better the second day! Just one more little thing to make this day even better...

Vegetable Dilemma...

So, this summer has been drrrrrryyyyyyyyy and hooooooooooot. Meaning that I haven't had great turnout with my garden this year, much like last year (Except the reason for my low turnout then was punk ass squirrels, late planting, the first year of the garden and too much rain. Basically, last year's garden was just a crap concert). However, the garden has been putting out lemon cucumbers, black krim tomatoes and mint like that is its damn job! Well, I guess it is the garden's job, but that's neither here nor there...

I am ENAMORED with the colors of these foods!

Anyway, today I had several lemon cucumbers and tomatoes picked and ready to do something. I just wasn't sure what. I also had a half a bottle of red wine and some triple sec. There was some salmon in the fridge that I was planning to grill off tonight for dinner. I usually just make some pasta with a sauce made from the salmon marinade, but it was too damn hot to turn the stove on. So I figured I would grill the cukes and tomatoes, since I already had the grill going. And clearly, wine + triple sec = sangria. I mean, duh. Check out this magic that happened:

Honey soy grilled salmon.

Rosemary mint grilled lemon cucumbers.

Garlic rosemary mint grilled tomatoes. 

Lazy Girl Sangria.

Lemme school you on this sangria...(Really, I just eyeballed the amounts) Half a bottle of merlot. Half a cup of triple sec. Two teaspoons powdered sugar. One teaspoon powdered ginger. 2 cups of frozen fruit medley (the one that I buy has strawberries, mango, peaches and grapes). I may or may not have combined all those ingredients in a tupperware container. Scratch that. Let's be honest. I did combine them shits in a tupperware container, which was the best decision of life. Screw the top on and shake. Pour it into a classy glass, top it off with sparkling water. Or drink it straight out of the tupperware. We're not judging here. Do whatever floats your boat. There's no fruit cutting, no measuring. Literally just Pour. Shake. Drink. This will make a good sized glass for you and one for a friend. Or it will make you drunk by yourself. Again, no judgement ;-)

Light, super flavorful, and so easy. Perfect summer dinner! And the fee-yawn-say is gonna make me some marinara sauce with the leftover grilled tomatoes tomorrow. Double score :-D

Keep It Classy, California, Part 2: Seeing the Sights

During our journeys through Southern California, we had the chance to see some beautiful sights! We stayed in Rancho Cucamonga for 2 nights with my dad and youngest sister. On our first day, we went to visit my seester, Jade, and her boyfriend in West Hollywood. They live in a super cute neighborhood, within walking distance of a bunch of bars, restaurants, etc. We walked to Red Rock Bar & Eatery, had a couple drinks and num nums and then headed back to Rancho. During rush hour traffic. Fuck. That. Noise. Driving in Los Angeles makes me crazy. Driving in LA during rush hour makes me want to punch unicorns and burn down rainbows. Luckily, young Daniel finagled his way into this bad boy at the rental car company...

The BEAST!

He drove, we had the top down, and life was good. The next day, we took my youngest sister to Venice Beach. Danny's never been before, and he was good and entertained by all the crazy on the beach. He and my sister had fun discovering critters and seaweed in the sand. He does well with kids (far more patient than I am!), and we all had a great time!

Beach Besties, digging in the sand.

Pre beach

Muscle Beach. Me and that rope did not get along!

We could TOTALLY get Lola to do this!

After we left Rancho, we went to the glorious wedding in Bonsall and stayed at the Castle Creek Inn in nearby Valley City. We didn't stay very long, but this is the view that we got to wake up to...

From there, we traveled to San Diego. IT. WAS. GLORIOUS. We stayed at the US Grant Hotel, which was this amazeballs property right downtown (thank you Danny, for getting that hella cheap employee discount!), a few minutes walk from the Gaslamp district, the Convention Center (which was coincidentally hosting ComicCon. Spectacular people watching. SPECTACULAR) and the water. I would make the move back to the west coast if it included living in San Diego. You know what, San Diego? You're not too shabby for a whale's vagina. Speaking of cetacean vag, can't even WAIT for this business...

Driving to San Diego, rocking out to Freebird!

Oh, hey boats. And water.

View from our hotel

I liked the nifty art above the bed and all over the hotel!

This fine ComiCon attendee thought I had beautiful skin. Well thank you kindly, you handsome fella!

Keep it Classy, California: The Wedding

Last week, Danny and I took a little jaunty jaunt across the country to California. The main reason for the trip was to celebrate the marriage of one of my good good buddies from Cal Poly. However, we also got to visit my family, saw some beautiful scenery and ate TONS of delicious food.  So, in the interest of keeping your lovely peepers from reading for 8 years, and my fingers from falling off from typing too much, "Keep it Classy, California" shall be a story told in 3 parts :-)

Part 1: The Wedding

Look at the gorgeous altar with the balloons a la "Up!"

As I mentioned before, the main reason for our journey across country was to celebrate the nuptials of my good friend Brian and his new wife, Heather. A little background on my relationship to the couple...Brian and I started our jobs as CSDs (basically a fancy name for a hall director) at Cal Poly at the same time. He was the first friend that I made, and one of the first people that I met. We hit it off immediately. We were both midwestern kids, slightly awed by the splendor of the Central Coast of California, in our first professional job out of grad school, with the driest of wit, the sharpest of sarcasm and just a general proclivity to be immature dicks if the mood suited us. Sure, we had our rocky times (as friends often do), but to this day, I still consider him to be my boy bestie (aside from Danny, of course).

I only met Heather briefly before I left Cal Poly. I was her host around campus and town during her on-campus interview, and I remember thinking "Wow, this girl is suuuuuuuper bubbly! I wonder where she'll get placed." The next year, I came back to Cal Poly for a visit and found out from another friend that Brian and Heather had been secretly dating (they were placed together as co-CSDs in the same apartment complex). I stayed with Brian while I was at Cal Poly and we chatted about life in general. While I was surprised that they were dating (because on the surface, I could not imagine two more opposite personalities), I came to see how happy they made each other.

So, fast forward to this past weekend. Danny and I drove to the wedding, which was on a horse ranch (I think) in the mountains of Bonsall, that belonged to friends of the bride's family. Brian's proposal was based on the movie "Up" and the theme carried through the whole wedding. Everything was so colorful and beautiful, but simple and really let the beauty of the location and their love for each other shine through. Several friends from Cal Poly were in the wedding party, and it was so amazing to see so many of my friends all together after several years.

Watching the bride come down the aisle

The officiant was another former CSD

Their first dance was to "Home" by Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros, which was perfectly fitting for them, they read their vows from a brand new iPad, and they kept everyone chuckling through the entire ceremony. I haven't been to many weddings, but this was by far my favorite because it was so much about the couple and demonstrated not only their love for each other, but also the love that others have for them (they had 22(!!) people in the bridal party!).

We had a great time at the reception, and Danny and I cut several rugs. He bet money on me falling in the pool, but I kept my balance and my dignity, thankyouverymuch. Man, if I had some mountains around, we'd totes be getting married in them. But even though Columbus is regrettably mountain-free, I can only hope Danny's and my wedding is as full of love and joy as Brian and Heather's.

Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs!

Just married!!

A whole lotta CSDs!