Thankful, Day 3

Today, I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn something new, something that I have wanted to learn more about for a long, long time. I will always regret not having gotten as much knowledge as I could from the best teacher in the field that I know of, but Gary, this one's for you. I took my first continuing education class in a graphic design program today and it was AWESOME!

I realized 3 things in this class: 1) How much I genuinely miss going to school. 2) How creatively stifled I have been. 3) I have a really high threshold for tedium and picky little tasks :-)

So I guess this one's a twofold thankful day...Not only am I thankful for the opportunity to learn something new, but I'm also thankful to have had someone in my life to give me the budding inspiration to pursue graphic design as an outlet for my creative side.

Thankful, Day 2

Today I'm thankful for: Adult footie pajamas. And wine. Boom. Notice my footies are foxes. I like to call these little nuggets my Foxy Soxies...

Thankful, Day 1

This year has just been the dooziest of doozies...parents celebrated their 25th anniversary, I got a new job, I got engaged, Mom turned 50 and got a kick ass surprise party, Gary died and I turned 30. Let's just say the ups and downs have been quite drastic.

Right now, I'm trying to do a few things in my life: Lose 30 pounds, plan our wedding and make better connections with people. And in light of the fact that it's November 1 (I like to start things on nice round days), now is a great time to get my life together and really do these things in earnest. Also, Thanksgiving is this month, so that's a great incentive for me to get back into blogging regularly. A post a day about what I'm thankful for, even if it's just a sentence, will get me into the habit.

I guess today is a good day to start fresh on where I am with my current life goals:

Weight: 171 lbs (Down from 183 before Gary died.  Thanks for the depression diet!) Gymmed it up twice this week.
Wedding: I'm actively working on our wedding website and finding a photographer. I hope to have the website live by the end of next week (at least the parts I'm working on) and keep adding to it periodically. Bought my dress a few weeks ago and we're still working on a ceremony site.
Reconnect: We've been doing weekly(ish) dinner and a movie at our house and we have a good time when people come over. I know everyone has their things going on in their lives, and it's not a big deal but I do feel a little hurt when people blow me off. I don't often invite people to do things because I've been blown off enough times by most people in my life that I don't really like to put myself out there. But, I'm trying not to take it personally, and I'll keep asking people over. And the fun part is that Danny and I clean the house together and cook, which has kinda become our Sunday thing :-) I've also been trying to call my sisters every week, just being better about talking to them more regularly. I miss those girlies immensely...

Thankful, Day 1: Thankful for my heated mattress pad! It's been cold at night, but I held strong to wait until today to put it on the bed (I told you, I like starting things on nice round days). We are about to be reunited and it's gonna feel so good!

Until tomorrow, lovebugs <3

Sometimes, You Just Have to Let It Out...

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. But I need to get it out, so with tissues in hand, here I go.

Driving. Always driving :-)

On Saturday, August 25, the world became a darker place. My stepdad, Gary, was killed in a motorcycle accident. I was up cleaning the house, getting ready to go to the gym, when my phone rang at 8:52 a.m. Everyone knows you just don't call me before 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning, and when I heard my mom's voice, I knew something terrible had happened. I'm not going to go into the details, but I was at my mom's house within a half hour and we hugged and we cried and we started calling people. The worst part was when my mom had to call and tell my sisters because they live so far away and could do nothing but scream, cry and be in shock.

When everyone made it home the next day, it was hard, but we had each other to lean on. We started making plans for his memorial service because we knew he wouldn't have wanted a funeral where everyone was all sad and weepy and serious. Gary was an amazing artist and graphic designer and had tons of friends who are also ultra creative, so we had help pouring in from all over the city. He loved movies and music, so we held the service at a movie theater. There was an amazing video made with pictures of him and clips from his favorite movies and songs. We spoke and honored his memory, and even though he would not have wanted us to cry for him, every single person in that packed, standing room only theater did.

All of the people who spoke talked about his kindness, his love for Jack Daniels, camping, driving and inappropriate jokes, his acceptance of everyone and his ability to make you feel like the most important person in the room. I had so many people tell me how proud he was of his girls, and how even though weddings were not his thing, how excited he was for mine. I had come to a decision a few days before he died about who I was going to have walk me down the aisle and who was going to have the father-daughter dance (because both Gary and my father have been hugely important in my life), but now the point is moot.

In the midst of all the sadness and heartache, I was able to have a few hours of happiness because my entire bridal party (plus a few extra VIPs) was in town, so we were able to go wedding dress shopping and I'm pretty sure I found "The One." I've been able to spend more time with my family all together since before I left for college. I've reconnected with some people I had lost touch with years ago. I've realized how much I miss my sisters and how proud I am of them, even though I don't tell them nearly enough. I've fallen even more in love with Danny, after watching him just step in and take care of things when I was a big snotty puddle. I realized how much people rely on me to be the rock, and that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.

So Gary, I have you to thank for all of these things. But I wish, more than anything, that I could call you up and hear you say "Hey Poot-head! What's up?" I'm so sad that I won't get to go see the newly remastered Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark at the theater with you next week. I regret more than anything not having gone on that last family road trip to Vermont because I had to work. And nothing breaks my heart more than you not being here to walk me down the aisle.

I can't hate you for leaving us, because you brought too much good into my life and the lives of countless others and you honestly died doing what you love. But goddammit, this is the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to deal with, and I don't know when (or if) it'll stop hurting so much. Until then, I guess I just have to feel what I'm feeling and trust that I, that we all, will be okay. 

Here's to you Gary. You lived life on your own terms and everyone who knew you was better because of it. I love you always. Shots of Jack Daniels all around!

The first of many cross country drives to move someone to or from California.

Slow Down and Enjoy...

Okay, so I never do a two-a-day post, but I had a revelation as I was folding laundry and I needed to share it with you all...

Last Thursday, Danny and I went to Pecha Kucha. If you've never been/heard of it, check this out. It's a great opportunity to interact with all kinds of people and learn about all sorts of things you may never have considered. At last week's PK, one of the presenters was Bear Braumoeller from Slow Food Columbus. His presentation basically said that food quality has been getting progressively worse over the years in America and that in order for us, as a society, to change that, we need to slow our food down and really enjoy it. We can teach ourselves to appreciate a variety of foods that taste good and are good for us, so that we will no longer be satisfied with the subpar swill that fast food restaurants and big chain grocery stores shove into us.

Today, I had an eggplant and a tomato from my garden and I had NO IDEA what to do with them. So I diced up the eggplant and pan fried it, diced up some onion, garlic and my tomato and sauteed them all together into a sauce. Add some angel hair pasta and voila! A perfectly seasoned, light meal with all sorts of interesting smells and textures, like crunch from the eggplant, a little bite from the pasta and liquid silkiness from the tomato sauce. And as I took my first bite, I said to Danny "Everything about this is right..." He just shrugged and went back to eating his canned soup and bread (I offered to share, but he doesn't like eggplant. His loss...). I don't think it fazed him, because when I cook at home, I often say something along the same lines.

Now this is not to say that I'm a perfect cook by any means. But I realized something tonight. When you take the time to make something that you want, that you like, prepared to your specifications, seasoned to your tastes, it just makes a better eating experience. The whole process, from dicing the eggplant, to getting my hands dirty with the flour and egg wash and breadcrumbs, to the pop and sizzle of the oil in the pan, to the smell of caramelizing onions and garlic and finally, to that first, luscious bite. In that moment, everything about my meal was right.

So thank you, Bear Braumoeller for putting the seed of an idea in my mind to slow down and enjoy my food. And I'm so excited that today, the idea finally blossomed into one perfect meal.

Just Do It

Yesterday, I put a call out to my FB friends because I need to get my life together. I need to lose weight and get healthier in general. I need to save money. I need to renew and strengthen my connections with the people who are important to me. I need find ways to express my creativity.

For the past several months, up until Danny and I went on vacation, I have been dealing with some pretty nasty anxiety issues. I'm feeling much better now, but if they come back, I'm going to have to see someone about them. Until then, I'm trying to bring more joy and wonder into my world and I realized that I can't do it by myself.

The reason I put the call out to my FB amigos is because I get so stuck in my own head that it's really easy for me to lose focus of who and what is important to me. I get nervous asking people for help because I've always felt like I need to be the strong, stoic one and I don't want to be a burden, because I know everyone is dealing with their own issues. Even now as I type this, I'm getting a little heart-racey because I know I'm going to put this out there for the world to see.

So I decided to acknowledge that fear and work around it and ask for help. Hopefully the people who have expressed interest in being Accountabilibuddies (Candice, you rock for introducing this word into my life!) will be able to create a strong network for one another and make things happen for the better in their own lives.

Nike, thanks for telling me to "Just Do It." I did something that I wouldn't normally do because I am ready to make a change. Let's see where this first step leads, shall we...

Like a Shiny New Penny

Yesterday, I was all ready to get a payday pedicure. Fresh shaved legs, skirt on so they could get to my legs, flippy floppies in my car so I could go straight after work. Then I realized that I'm a damn adult and needed to buy groceries. Sumbitch. And the fee-yawn-say was at work, so I had to unload all the groceries at home by myself. Hell's bells.

Today, I was gonna get a post-payday pedi. Then I realized that I'm a damn engaged adult and have to pay for a wedding next year. So I decided to spend $15 to get stuff to do my own pedi several times, rather than $40 to go to a nail shop once.

Even though I missed having my feet and legs massaged, I think I did a pretty dang good job. And I got a super cute new fall color, Copper Penny.

Sometimes, it's just the little things in life that make me smile ;-)

P.S. Lazy Girl Sangria is even better the second day! Just one more little thing to make this day even better...